Topic 155: Will Porter vs. Jealousy

I could never understand it when my friends would tell me how jealous they'd get if their girlfriends spent time with other guys. What seemed even more ridiculous to me was why anyone would get jealous if someone found their partner attractive. It had always been my contention that if you loved someone, you trusted them. That meant that you would know nothing would ever happen between them and someone else, thus ridding you of any reason to be jealous.

That's the way I used to think. My past relationships never caused me to even raise an eyebrow if my partner would spend time with someone else, or if they wanted to bring other people into our bed. I thought of myself as liberal and a free spirit, and I never expected that to change.

It's changed.

Love will change it. True love will change it. I have fallen in true love for possibly the first time in my life and that little green monster has taken full time residence in my head. It can show itself in any situation from the imagined to the very real. It's a feeling that makes me want to hide my lover away so no one else even thinks about having him in any way. He's mine, and if anyone even looks at him, sometimes I want to tear their eyes out. Mind you, there's a difference between general admiration or appreciation from some people and very specific wanting from others. The former is kind of a turn on, in a weird way. I have to admit that I like the idea of strangers, or near strangers, wanting him because I know they'll never have him. It's the latter that kills me.

It's a bit disturbing to feel this way. I don't know if it's normal. I have no frame of reference for this sort of thing. All I know is that my jealousy has nothing to do with how much I trust Orlando. I trust him implicitly. It's more... It's almost as if I don't want to share what's mine with anyone who has no business wanting him.

I'm working on it because I don't want to end up being some unreasonable man who can't let his lover out of his sight. Maybe I just have to get used to these feelings and deal with them on my own. Or, maybe it's just like a friend said: If we love someone, we go temporarily insane at the thought of them being with someone else.

Actually, that just about sums it up. I still think I need to fight the urge to jump in and tell people to back off when I feel they've crossed a line, though.

Sandbox Muse: Shoes

age 7

Inez Porter beamed as she looked at her son. He was dressed in his first communion suit, his hair slicked down save for the cowlick that couldn't quite be tamed even for such an important occasion.

"Baby, you look so handsome," she said, crouching down in front of Will and taking his little hands in hers. "I'm so proud of you today. You're Mommy's big boy, aren't you?"

He smiled back at her and nodded. Over all, this was turning out to be a very good week for him. He had lost two front teeth and been visited by the tooth fairy. Now, he was getting ready to go to the church in order to receive his first communion. He knew just how important this day was for him, but more than that he understood how much it meant to his mother. If only his new shoes didn't hurt so much.

100moods: Naughty

Present day

Will lowers his menu and looks at his lover, his face the picture of innocence.

"I'm leaning toward the filet mignon," he says casually. Under the table, he's slipped his foot out of his very expensive Italian leather loafer. "I'll get the new potatoes and steamed green beans with it." Smiling, Will raises his foot to his lover's lap, slowly rubbing and teasing between his legs. The privacy of their location gives him opportunity but still provides a hint of danger at getting caught by the waiter and whoever else wanders over to their table.

"First, though," he says softly, biting his lip when he feels Orlando's body responding to him, "I think I'd like an appetizer."