porter_inc (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
porter_inc) wrote2006-12-02 02:44 am
porter_inc) wrote2006-12-02 02:44 am
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Topic 155: Will Porter vs. Jealousy
I could never understand it when my friends would tell me how jealous they'd get if their girlfriends spent time with other guys. What seemed even more ridiculous to me was why anyone would get jealous if someone found their partner attractive. It had always been my contention that if you loved someone, you trusted them. That meant that you would know nothing would ever happen between them and someone else, thus ridding you of any reason to be jealous.
That's the way I used to think. My past relationships never caused me to even raise an eyebrow if my partner would spend time with someone else, or if they wanted to bring other people into our bed. I thought of myself as liberal and a free spirit, and I never expected that to change.
It's changed.
Love will change it. True love will change it. I have fallen in true love for possibly the first time in my life and that little green monster has taken full time residence in my head. It can show itself in any situation from the imagined to the very real. It's a feeling that makes me want to hide my lover away so no one else even thinks about having him in any way. He's mine, and if anyone even looks at him, sometimes I want to tear their eyes out. Mind you, there's a difference between general admiration or appreciation from some people and very specific wanting from others. The former is kind of a turn on, in a weird way. I have to admit that I like the idea of strangers, or near strangers, wanting him because I know they'll never have him. It's the latter that kills me.
It's a bit disturbing to feel this way. I don't know if it's normal. I have no frame of reference for this sort of thing. All I know is that my jealousy has nothing to do with how much I trust Orlando. I trust him implicitly. It's more... It's almost as if I don't want to share what's mine with anyone who has no business wanting him.
I'm working on it because I don't want to end up being some unreasonable man who can't let his lover out of his sight. Maybe I just have to get used to these feelings and deal with them on my own. Or, maybe it's just like a friend said: If we love someone, we go temporarily insane at the thought of them being with someone else.
Actually, that just about sums it up. I still think I need to fight the urge to jump in and tell people to back off when I feel they've crossed a line, though.
That's the way I used to think. My past relationships never caused me to even raise an eyebrow if my partner would spend time with someone else, or if they wanted to bring other people into our bed. I thought of myself as liberal and a free spirit, and I never expected that to change.
It's changed.
Love will change it. True love will change it. I have fallen in true love for possibly the first time in my life and that little green monster has taken full time residence in my head. It can show itself in any situation from the imagined to the very real. It's a feeling that makes me want to hide my lover away so no one else even thinks about having him in any way. He's mine, and if anyone even looks at him, sometimes I want to tear their eyes out. Mind you, there's a difference between general admiration or appreciation from some people and very specific wanting from others. The former is kind of a turn on, in a weird way. I have to admit that I like the idea of strangers, or near strangers, wanting him because I know they'll never have him. It's the latter that kills me.
It's a bit disturbing to feel this way. I don't know if it's normal. I have no frame of reference for this sort of thing. All I know is that my jealousy has nothing to do with how much I trust Orlando. I trust him implicitly. It's more... It's almost as if I don't want to share what's mine with anyone who has no business wanting him.
I'm working on it because I don't want to end up being some unreasonable man who can't let his lover out of his sight. Maybe I just have to get used to these feelings and deal with them on my own. Or, maybe it's just like a friend said: If we love someone, we go temporarily insane at the thought of them being with someone else.
Actually, that just about sums it up. I still think I need to fight the urge to jump in and tell people to back off when I feel they've crossed a line, though.
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*Shrugs.* Or the temporary insanity could work in a court of law. *Smiles.*
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And in my case, sometimes even when they haven't crossed the line.
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Thanks for bringing this up, Will. It's been driving me nuts why I've been feeling this way. I trust Heather completely and yet... *shrugs* I've never been the jealous type before...
Love eh? *grins*
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Between you and me, I can almost understand why Kevin did what he did.
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It's not the same thing. Kevin was being abusive to you - controlling and manipulative. That's not love. And, his reaction wasn't in-love jealousy. More that he wasn't getting his way and he wanted to punish you. He wanted to control you and have you live for him.
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I'm glad that we're both in healthy relationships now.
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You and me both!
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