porter_inc | Musings Part 2

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Musings Part 2

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So, I had a chance to sleep on all the doubts I was having yesterday, and I realized a few things. I'm not going to say I overreacted, because I think I have a right to feel some distrust towards somebody who would say that to him at this particular time in his life. But, I do know that I can't change Orlando's history with other people any more than he can change mine. I wouldn't ask him not to care about his friends, because I can't imagine him asking me to stop caring about Pete. At least I understand a little of what it must feel like for him to know Peter's still in love with me. I'm so glad that I've settled that with Pete. He knows that he has to be cool or else I'll have no choice but to push him away until he can get it together. Jeez, now that I think about it, the whole Peter thing is so much worse and Orli's never been anything but calm and honest with me regarding how he feels about it.

I didn't bring up my specific concerns with Orli, but I did approach some of my own general insecurities with him. He reassured me in such a wonderful way, thinking about it still makes me smile. I'm the one he loves. He wants to make a home with me, not anyone else. He told me that any time I needed him to reassure me like that, to just say. But I don't want to be one of those people. He does so much to make me feel secure and loved, the one time I felt he didn't shouldn't be held against him.

I have to work on the jealousy thing for both our sakes. I love him and I know he loves me. If I do anything to fuck this up, I'll never forgive myself.

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Just a few things:

- Our wedding rings are going to be custom made by a friend as a wedding gift! Isn't that awesome? I'm so excited. And it just hit me that this is the first official step of our planning. Rings! Or maybe it's the second step since we've already decided on the whole last name situation. :D (I don't know if Orli wants to share the details so I'll leave it at that.) ETA: The name thing counts as my "what I love about him" today.

- We're going to the shelter to get a cat for Julie (if she approves) and puppies (and maybe a cat) for Mom!

- Tomorrow, Hartford.

- On the 18th, drinks with Mac.

- I'll be going to L.A. on January 21st to meet Evie, and coming home on the 25th. I expect to use a lot of cell phone minutes.

- I had the weirdest dream the other night and I totally forgot to write it down. I was invited to a dinner party by some unknown host, but when I got there, it turned out that Orli was the one who'd invited me. He didn't seem to know that we were together, though, so he just welcomed me like all of the other guests. Get this, the other guests were all his exes, and they kept coming up to me and asking me why I was there since it was only a party for people who weren't Orli's brother. I said I wasn't Orli's brother, and that's when Peter walked in with a note from Mom that told me Orli was my brother. I told Peter it couldn't be true because Orli and I had been having sex and that's when Orli told me why he had to pretend we weren't really together. He didn't want the others to know that he'd wanted to have sex with his brother. That's when I woke up.

I can pinpoint every single event from the past few weeks that led to all the elements of that dream, so I know there's absolutely no deep meaning behind it as far as my feelings for Orlando go. It was just a mishmosh of all the stress I've been feeling. Brotherly thoughts are far from what I have when it comes to him. How gross would it be if I did and still wanted to nail him? Er, I mean gross for myself. Not judging anyone else. He's nail-able. Very nail-able. So, er, feel free to have all the fantasies you like about him, brother or not, and I'll just stand over here and not get mad, judgmental or distrust you for doing it.

- Talia said that lawyer man wants to sue egg girl on my behalf. I told her to tell him that he really needs to work on his timing since all of that was settled right away. Even if it wasn't, why the hell would I want my ex-wife's divorce attorney representing me in a civil lawsuit against some crazy girl's parents? Speaking of, Mom has befriended the parents. Yeah, I know... I blame her for my need to be social.

- Sandy called today to congratulate me on my engagement. It was great! Except, I hadn't called or written to let her know. She said she heard some rumor on some show somewhere that was confirmed by a staff member at the lodge where we stayed. It's not that I don't want people to know - I want everyone to know - but I want to be the one to tell all my friends. We didn't even tell that reporter with whom we had our arrangement. And maybe I don't want everyone to know. I don't want Kevin to know. I don't want him to send me another letter. I didn't even have to open the first one he sent to feel pissed off and creepy, so if another one suddenly turns up, that'll just disturb me.

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You DO have weird dreams. *grin*

Egg girl?

Heh. Most of the time I just dream about snuggling you. Did I tell you about the time I dreamt Cordelia was chasing me and threatening bodily harm with a spiked heel?

The psycho fangirl who egged me last year. I can't even remember her name now...

Oh that girl!!!

No, you didn't tell me that one! LOL!!

Last night I dreamed I was trying to get away from an evil XBox360. I have no idea....

My wife's new husband is an idiot, apparently. *grins*

Thinking about it now, it's pretty dumb, but at the time, it was really scary!! I was running for my life!! That's back when I felt guilty for being with you, though. I don't have those dreams anymore.

*cracks up* Oh, baby... I wonder what that means!

I think it means I'm really bad at games!!

XBox can kick your ass!

It can!!

...man, that dream goes beyond weird. I love Orlando, like a brother, but I'd never...you know. Do...that.

*laughs* Oh, I know, Michael! I almost put a disclaimer in there that I know you'd never do that.

[locked]
One of Orli's old friends contacted me about Orli's birthday party, and kept calling Orli his baby brother. That's where it comes from. I hope, anyway. If my subconscious was talking about you, I need to scold it severely.

Okay, just checkin' that you knew. 'cause I'm sure he's great in...that, but... *ahem* Yeah.

[locked]
...wait, what? Someone's calling Orlando his 'baby brother'? And he...

...

[locked]
It's all been settled, now. Except I wish I could stop having weird dreams. *grins* I think it's anxiety about the party and hoping he'll like everything. But it's all almost ready! And the theme was tweaked a little to include lots of yellow since that's his favorite color.

I'm glad it was settled. ~~...I didn't know he had another brother...~~

Don't worry man, I'm sure he'll have a blast. Just one more week, and hopefully those dreams will stop.

Me too! Oh! And you'll get to meet Eric at the party.

*grins* I wonder if they'll start back up with the wedding planning...

*chuckles* Oh man, if they were weird for his birthday party... Have you guys set a date yet?

Not yet! Truth be told, I'd be happy whisking him away somewhere to do it tomorrow.

That's cool about the rings.

I hope all goes well with Evie.

*raises eyebrow at Talia's husband and laughs*

Say Hi to your Mom. I hope that she's handling things better and that getting her some pups do the trick.

Thanks, Logan! I'll definitely say hi to Mom for you. She enjoyed meeting you and Heather and always tells me to give you her best. Ooops. Well, I'm doing it now.

I enjoyed meeting her as well. She lived up to everything I thought she'd be from what you've said about her. You're both very lucky!

That's really sweet of you to say. I have to agree that I lucked out in the mom department.

It's not really sweet when it's the truth. And you did, she's great!

She told me that she asked you to look out for me once I moved to the big city. I was so embarrassed. *grins*

*smiles* There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I thought it was pretty sweet of your Mom to ask! She's just wanting to make sure that you're alright.

*grins* I know you're right, but... I almost expect her to sew my home address into my skivvies in case I get lost.

*grins evilly* The next time I see her, I'll be sure to tell her that you would appreciate her doing that for you, but are to embarrassed to ask.

*laughs* You're evil!!!

*grins* You have no idea! *chuckles*

Can I please ask how come you've chosen to run with this when there's been no further discussion between Eric and Orlando about this and you yourself as the mun wrote above that "I didn't bring up my specific concerns with Orli" when in fact, there's been no discussion with Will and Eric on it either?

Now to read that you've continued this train of thought and involved other pups outside of the original two that the thread was involving, it's not comfortable and I'm asking for it to stop.

The reason for this post is that I can't find SN's for either you or Orlando's muns on the journal info pages for the pups. As such it means that I can't discuss this with you privately and for that I apologize.

Oops. I think you're confused. When something's [locked], it's still the pup speaking. [locked] just means that it's not for other pups to read as part of his post. Anything after [/locked] (which unlocks what the pup's saying) is then for pup consumption. OOC is for when the mun is speaking. And I haven't involved anyone else. My pup's reacting to his own insecurities (which is a problem he's had before Eric even came in the picture).

I hope that clears things up for you. :-)

I do understand the terms that I've used thanks, been RPing for awhile and as the mun, I put ooc a) Eric has no reason to be in here because he doesn't know Will as well as the others in the thread do and b) because simply I didn't understand why there was no coming to talk to Eric instead of having a conversation with the pup above involving the "no named" friend which any one could have seen as easily as Will did Eric's, by going back to the birthday thread in Will's journal. But I do understand now thanks to your explaining of Will's motives and POV.

Not hurt really, was just very confused and it's all cleared up now. You have a good day too! :)

*goes back to theory of never posting questions that niggle when overtired* LOL

Okay, I'm glad that's cleared up! I didn't mean to sound condescending or anyting, but I just remember when I first came into TM and didn't understand what was going on half the time :-)

Anyway, I'm going to have Will respond to Eric's letter with one of his own in his LJ, if that's cool.

No problem, I have four here in TM so have been playing long enough LOL but still can get confused by not understanding how the mun/pup interaction goes when it's not my pups warping my head LOL

It was very cool and he's responded back already.

It would help if I had of signed in properly *faceplants*

Oh! And just wanted to add that if you re-read it, Will never mentioned any names.

D'oh! I knew I was going to forget something. This was "run with," as you put it, because the thread with Eric and Orli wasn't locked, Will would naturally come across it, and it would feed perfectly into the jealousy issues he's trying to conquer. (He had a real reaction to something one of Orli's other friends wrote about. It's all part of RPing - being responsible for what you have your pup do.) Anyway, it's been settled now from Will's POV (which was the point of this post, as a matter of fact!), so there really would be no point in him continuing to talk about this specific thing.

I'm really, really sorry if my pup's feelings upset you!! He can be a strange boy. As for any other pup asking him questions, I'm sorry but Will can't control what other pups ask him or react to (as much as he'd like to sometimes!!) so no one's been deliberately drawn into anything. Pups talk. That kind of thing just happens. So, I'm sorry for what other pups talk to mine about :-\

I hope this cleared things up some more!

Have a great day!! :-D

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Musings Part 2

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