Um...

[porter_inc]

If anyone saw that stupid rag blurb about a "lovenest" Orli and I are shopping for in upstate New York, it's not true. I'm still in Connecticut, he's still in New York and we haven't even talked about a "lovenest" let alone shopped for one. Why do people want to assume we're already living together?

I know I shouldn't read this crap, but I can't help it. I'm obsessive.

Comments

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Got a question for you there, buddy. You and .. Orli (?) happy... together? Like, as an item?

Just curious

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Um... *pauses* Yes.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

And your family and friends. They okay with it?

Still just curious.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

If my father were alive, he'd hate it. But my mom and my friends are all fine with it. They know it's just one part of what makes me who I am, so they don't get hung up on it. I'm very lucky that way, I know.

And nothing wrong with being curious.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Even though you used to be straight?

Jeez, you make it all sound so simple. What if you're dad were alive now. What'd you do to get him to accept it?

Okay, maybe a little more than curious.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

I wasn't ever really straight. I dated girls in college and got married because I knew it was expected of me and I was in denial about who I was. My mom actually had more of a clue than I did, and it wasn't until my best friend confronted me that I finally accepted it. I'm a gay man. And I'm never going back in the closet.

None of it was easy, I hurt the woman I was married to, and I lost a lot of friends when they sided with her. I've basically had to start all over with the few friends who stuck by me and the friends I've made since I came out. My mom's always been in my corner, though, bless her.

As for Dad... He'd never accept it. Ever. I can't even say if I would have come out if he were still alive. I was terrified of him. Not to be cold, but his dying was the best thing that happened to me and Mom.

*smiles* Any time you want to talk about that...

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

And these friends who stuck by you - they were good friends? Known you a long time?

And what if you're best friend, what if he or she'd had a problem with it? It wouldn't have stopped you?

Don't worry about being cold. My dad? Lousy parent. He's not around anymore either.

*smiles* Thanks, I guess.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

A couple of them were childhood friends and the rest were people I knew for about twelve years.

If Peter wasn't gay and all the circumstances were different, I would have still come out, I think. I'd have liked him to support me, but I would have taken the risk. It would have taken me a while longer, I'm sure, but I couldn't spend the rest of my life living a lie. I hope not, anyway.

Sounds like our dads could have compared notes maybe. My old man's the reason I don't want to have kids of my own.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

What would you've done if Peter had been straight and hadn't liked the idea of having a ... gay friend?

Nah, my dad didn't need notes, he turned nastiness into an art form. Just, y'know, not as pretty. But you shouldn't let your dad, dead or alive, make you not wanna have kids, shouldn't make you wanna do or not do anything. That much I've learned since mine's been gone.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

I'd have to reconsider being friends with somebody who'd stop liking me because of something like that. It would break my heart, but in the long run, I couldn't keep living a lie for one person.

Maybe if I have a partner I know would be a good parent, I'd reconsider it.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

Thought you had a partner...Orlando is it? Heh, I don't live far from there...

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

I should rephrase. I know that Orli would be a great parent. He would be such an awesome dad and I think seeing him with a child would be just about the sweetest thing ever. But there are a couple of things to consider. We've only just started seeing each other, so I probably shouldn't be thinking about having kids with him yet. And, more importantly, he just suffered the loss of a child. His baby girl died just after she was born.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Oh, shit, sorry. I didn't realise. Losing a kid's tough, you don't have to tell me that.

It's nice that you uh, envision yourself with him like that and you're willing to wait. It's... nice. I already said that but y'know, it is.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I just didn't want it to look like I wouldn't want kids with him.

Have you...lost a child?

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Uh, yeah. My partner, uh Stella, she had a miscarriage four months ago... so I get what you're saying about Orlando. How's he coping?

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Ray.

He's coping as well as can be expected. I try to take his mind off everything for a little while but I know nothing really can. He wanted to be a dad so badly.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I think I'm doin' better than Stella.

It's gonna take time, Will. I know that's a cliche but uh, take it from a man with experience. I think about it all the time and I didn't even think it was possible for me to concentrate on anything 24-7. But whenever you're doing something or with someone it's always there. But that doesn't mean that's Orlando's not... y'know, 'there' with you when you're together. I'm sure he appreciates your efforts.

Maybe he ... just wasn't meant to be a father with uh, whoever the chick was. Maybe his kid's meant to have two Pa's... or, you know what I mean.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

I appreciate what you're saying, Ray. I feel really bad for the mother, too. She's lost her baby and her husband all at the same time. I can't imagine what that's like for her. I'm being really selfish by staying in the picture instead of letting them work things out without me around.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

You're not being selfish, Will. You're showing you care and that's important.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

I'm just worried that I'm not giving him enough space. My wife miscarried about a month after we were married and I know how much that upset me even though I wasn't quite sure I wanted it. But I guess if he didn't want me around, he'd tell me.

Sorry. I don't mean to be paranoid all over you.

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Jesus, you lost a kid too? Is it an epidemic? God. I'm sorry, man.

He'd tell you. Definitely. Unless he's anything like Stella and silence is all you get. If he is, then I'd take the silence as 'stay the fuck away from me.' Excuse the language...

No problem, Will. You seem like a nice guy, I think we could be friends. Despite your bad taste in cars.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Thanks. For everything, for listening.

And just you wait until I take you for a ride in my Lexus. It'll change your mind. Er, not that I've bought it yet...

[r-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Any time, pal.

*laughs* I'll take your word for it. You play your cards right, and I may even let you sit behind the wheel of my new Riv. Uh, not that I've bought mine yet either... but still, something to look forward to...!

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a fair exchange!

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

A lovenest?

Good lord.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

My thoughts exactly!

I'm wondering if they'll have us moving to Vermont to get married next week.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

*snort*

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Maybe Jackie O will be at the wedding...

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Obviously!!

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Elvis will be her date, of course. And Batboy should be the ring bearer.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

You're completely daft.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

*laughs* And you love it.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

I might.

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

*grins*