porter_inc | Valentine's Day with his Boo

Orlando beams at him. "I love you adoring me!"

Will rolls them over so Orlando's on top of him. "And I love adoring you," he says, looking up at him. "I love the way you love me, too. I love our life and I love thinking about our future together."

Orlando leans down and kisses him, putting every bit of his love into it. "You are the best fiance' ever," he says with a smile.

Will looks at him, feeling so content and loved he knows it would be impossible for Orlando to ever make him feel anything less. "I was going to say the same thing to you," he smiles, licking his lips. He cups Orlando's face in his hands. "You're so perfect in my eyes, it scares me sometimes."

Orlanod frowns a little at that. "I really wish you wouldn't say that, Will."

"I'm sorry, baby," Will whispers, stroking Orlando's cheek. "I can't help it. And that's what scares me."

"It scares me too, because I can never live up to your expectations. I'm not perfect. No one is, and I'm just trying to deal with my problems." He rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling.

"I can't deal with them if you keep thinking I can do no wrong. You have to accept me as flawed."

Will frowns and rolls onto his side. "Live up to my expectations?" he asks, putting a hand on Orlando's chest. "Baby, you already have. That's why I feel the way I do. And, not to sound like a smart ass, but I've known about your flaws for a while. Just because you're perfect for me it doesn't mean you're infallible."

Orlando puts his hand over Will's. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "That sounded really conceited."

"Not conceited, sweetheart," Will says, kissing Orlando's shoulder. "Just like someone who doesn't want to disappoint me or let me down."

"And on that note," Orlando says, somewhat bitterly. "I have to tell you some things that came up in therapy."

Will's concerned about Orlando's tone, but he scoots a little closer so he can put his head on his lover's shoulder.

"Okay," he says softly, bracing himself for bad news.

Orlando tries to think of some way to say it, but finally decides he might as well just dive in.

"I told Janice that I freaked out when we had our scene. I think that I'm pushing the limits too much, and she suggested that we not do any more scenes for awhile. I have to set that as a rule for us."

Will raises his head, a little confused as he looks at Orlando. "What limits are you pushing? I mean, if she said that, then it's a done deal. No more scenes. But...what limits, baby?"

Orlando's finding it hard to breathe suddenly.

"I never let them mix. I had my lovers, and I had the ones I did scenes with. I never let them come together because the pain was about sex, and it was never about love. And, and I couldn't love someone who hurt me, because Colin hurt me. Colin only fucked me and hurt me, and when someone hurt me, all I could feel was degraded, like he degraded me."

He suddenly pushes himself up, and stalks over to stare out the window. "When we were doing that, I started thinking that maybe it meant I didn't really love you because I let you do that to me. Or maybe it meant I loved you enough to let you see me like that. But I didn't know, and it scared the fuck out of me. I never understood before the other day with Janice that it all led back to Colin raping me."

He wipes his eyes. "I thought pain and sex were linked, but I didn't realize why."

It feels as if the blood's draining from Will as he listens to Orlando, and he feels lightheaded. He didn't know. He'd never made the connection between Colin and what he'd done. But now, listening to his lover, he can't believe he was stupid enough to ever do anything like that with Orli.

"Baby..." His throat is dry, so it comes out as a croak. He licks his lips and forces himself to his feet so he can go over to Orlando. "I'm sorry. I never... Jesus Christ, I'm sorry," he whispers.

Orlando shakes his head. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I did. I have. I've tried to make myself out to be a normal bloke, but I'm not. I've got problems that I have to deal with before I can do things like that, but I'm on the right track now, I think."

"But I shouldn't have been so stupid," Will says, tentatively putting his arms around Orlando. "I want to help you work through your problems, sweetheart, and I'm glad you feel you're on the right track. But I didn't think. I...just didn't think. You know that I didn't mean any of that as a way to hurt you, don't you?"

Orlando sighs. "Will, it wasn't your job to think about it. I encouraged it. I wanted it. Of course I know you didn't want to really hurt me. I can't tell you enough that it's not you."

Will wraps his arms all the way around Orli, protective as he tightens his hold on him. "I wish I could kill him," he whispers.

"Don't say that," Orlando murmurs. "Please, baby, that doesn't make it better."

"It's not fair that he never paid for what he did to you," Will says, tears pricking his eyes as he holds onto Orli.

Orlando just shakes his head. He doesn't know what to say, and he's trembling.

"It's okay, baby," Will whispers when he feels Orli start trembling. "Come on," he says, gently leading him back over to the bed and pulling back the covers.

Orlando balks at lying back down. "I think I'd like to take a walk, if that's okay with you."

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