porter_inc (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
porter_inc) wrote2007-01-12 01:25 am
porter_inc) wrote2007-01-12 01:25 am
Musings
I'm a pretty easy going guy, for the most part. Well, except for this jealousy stuff, but I'm actually learning to deal with that! I don't want to turn into some psycho who refuses to let my sweetie have fun just because I'm insecure, you know? I had enough of that with Kevin. So better to nip it on the bud now before it gets embarrassing and one day I come across like a raving lunatic.
But all of this new madness aside, I am easy going. I get mad when people attack the people I love, but I think that's just a human reaction. When I'm attacked, though, I generally curl up into a ball and apologize until it's over and the other person is satisfied. It's a pretty good defense and one I've had since I can remember. But when someone I consider to be a friend hurts me, I don't really have a defense for that. I'm a sap because I still want to try and make things right with them even if they shut me out. And even when they stop talking to me, I live in the vain hope that they'll get over whatever it is they're upset about and one day be my friend again. No matter how angry and hurt Pete and I might get with one another, I'll still do anything for him. I really need to learn how to cut my losses, though. Especially since I know that if they were ever in trouble, I'd help them in any way I could, but I couldn't really say the same for them. I know that the word "friend" doesn't have the same meaning for some that it does for me. I really am a sucker sometimes. Mom says I'm kind, I just think I'm a patsy who takes people at face value and who tends to trust people far too quickly. Sometimes easy going can lead to someone being a doormat.
Okay, I need to stop this. Thinking about the divorce has stirred up a lot of crap in my head and it's making me relive some really shitty moments in my life. It's over and done. The people I thought were my friends picked a side and it wasn't mine. I have to move on and stop thinking I can ever be close to them again. Divorce sucks. Ex wives suck. Lawyers suck. Ex wives who marry lawyers suck. Friends who pick the ex over me suck. There. I think that may have helped. (Orli, is there some kind of mediation thing I can do to forgive all the crap?)
On a lighter note, I woke Orli up this morning by giving him a zerbert on his tummy. I couldn't resist.
But all of this new madness aside, I am easy going. I get mad when people attack the people I love, but I think that's just a human reaction. When I'm attacked, though, I generally curl up into a ball and apologize until it's over and the other person is satisfied. It's a pretty good defense and one I've had since I can remember. But when someone I consider to be a friend hurts me, I don't really have a defense for that. I'm a sap because I still want to try and make things right with them even if they shut me out. And even when they stop talking to me, I live in the vain hope that they'll get over whatever it is they're upset about and one day be my friend again. No matter how angry and hurt Pete and I might get with one another, I'll still do anything for him. I really need to learn how to cut my losses, though. Especially since I know that if they were ever in trouble, I'd help them in any way I could, but I couldn't really say the same for them. I know that the word "friend" doesn't have the same meaning for some that it does for me. I really am a sucker sometimes. Mom says I'm kind, I just think I'm a patsy who takes people at face value and who tends to trust people far too quickly. Sometimes easy going can lead to someone being a doormat.
Okay, I need to stop this. Thinking about the divorce has stirred up a lot of crap in my head and it's making me relive some really shitty moments in my life. It's over and done. The people I thought were my friends picked a side and it wasn't mine. I have to move on and stop thinking I can ever be close to them again. Divorce sucks. Ex wives suck. Lawyers suck. Ex wives who marry lawyers suck. Friends who pick the ex over me suck. There. I think that may have helped. (Orli, is there some kind of mediation thing I can do to forgive all the crap?)
On a lighter note, I woke Orli up this morning by giving him a zerbert on his tummy. I couldn't resist.