porter_inc | My Colors

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Current Location: Planet Earth
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My Colors

From

orlandomuse.

(8) Blues are some of the most loving, nurturing and supportive personalities of the Life Colors. They live from their heart and emotions. Their purpose for being on the planet is to give love, to teach love and to learn that they are loved. Their priorities are love, relationships, and spirituality.

Blues are traditionally teachers, counselors, and nurses---basically the loving, nurturers and caretakers on the planet. Blues are constantly helping others. They want to make sure that everyone feels loved and accepted. People are always turning to Blues for comfort and counsel because Blues will always be there for them. They consistently provide a shoulder for others to cry on.
Blues are the most emotional personalities in the aura spectrum. They can cry at the drop of a hat. Blues cry when they are happy, hurt, angry, sad, or for no apparent reason at all. Even watching a sentimental commercial on television can bring on tears.

(8) Yellows are the most fun-loving, free-spirited, energetic, and childlike personalities in the aura spectrum. Yellows are wonderful, sensitive, optimistic beings, whose life purpose is to bring joy to people, to have fun, and to help heal the planet.

Yellows can either be very shy and sensitive, or they can be the life of the party. These playful characters have a great sense of humor. They love to laugh and to make others laugh. Yellows believe life is to be enjoyed. They like to live life freely and spontaneously. With a perpetual smile on their face, they remind people to not take themselves or their problems too seriously.
Yellows would prefer not to work at all, unless their work was fun, playful, or creative. They love nature, and often have concerns for the survival of wildlife and the environment. Dogs are very drawn to Yellows and often become their best friends.

(6) The Sensitive Tan is the bridge between the mental colors and the emotional colors. Their auras are a combination of a light tan color with a light blue band next to it that encircles the body. Their personalities are a subtle combination of the mental Tan qualities and the emotional Blue qualities.

Sensitive Tans incorporate the characteristics of mental, analytical logic with loving and intuitive compassion. These gentle personalities are quiet, sensitive and supportive. They prefer, like Logical Tans, to maintain a rational, intellectual foundation while they analytically process data.
Sensitive Tans are more emotional and intuitive than Logical Tans, but they tend to keep their feelings to themselves. When a problem arises, Sensitive Tans will retreat inside to figure out the most practical solution.

(5) Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders and teachers who are here to help save the planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve the quality of life on the planet, or to help save people, animals and the environment.

All Violets have an inner sense that they are here to do something important, that their destiny is greater than that of the average person. Most Violets have felt this way since childhood. As children, many Violets imagined becoming famous, or traveling the planet, possibly joining humanitarian causes such the Peace Corp. Many of these charismatic personalities take on roles as leaders and teachers, while other Violets prefer to reach people through music, film or other art form.

Because this era is currently the "Violet Age," any Violets who are not accomplishing what they came here to do are experiencing an inner “push” — even an inner “earthquake.” Inner forces seem to be shaking them up and pushing them to move into action, to fulfill their life purpose. Violets know they are here to do something significant. However, they aren't always sure what that something is or how to accomplish it.
Many Violets were taught as children that their dreams and aspirations were unrealistic, so they have lost touch with their original visions. It's important for Violets to reconnect with their life purpose and vision, and to take action. Otherwise they will always feel unfulfilled. They will always sense something is missing from their lives. Violets need to learn to slow down long enough to listen to their inner voice and to connect with their higher vision.

Find out your colors!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You'd really come after me? No matter what I said to you?

Baby, I would know that you were ready to run because you're scared. And when people are scared, they say things they don't mean. Those things wouldn't mean you'd suddenly stopped loving me, right?

*smiles* So, yes, I would go after you no matter what you said to me.

No, I wouldn't stop loving you. That wasn't ever the reason I left.

Tell me how you left them, sweetheart.

I'm ashamed to say.

*holds him*

Baby, I love you. You can tell me anything and I'm not going to judge you.

*sigh*

Jimmy was in a terrible car accident, and it affected his memory, as well as injuring him badly. While he was in hospital, I came to see him every day, and he fell in love with me. We'd known each other before, and I had a huge crush on him, but I don't think he was actually attracted to me.

But he was vulnerable, and I doted on him, every minute I could, even though I was dating Will by then too.

When he came out of the hospital, he moved into my office, which I converted into a bedroom. I slept there with him. We never did more than kiss, but I loved him. He loved me too.

After he got better, he went to see his father in England. (He was like me, in a different dimension) He promised he'd come back, and I promised I'd wait for him. I kissed him and sent him home.

But while he was gone, I was lonely, and I turned to Will more and more. I knew that Jimmy was a monogamous man. He would never tolerate me being with Will if I were going to be with him.

When he came back, he came to my door, and I told him to go away. I told him I loved Will, and that I didn't want him.

It was a lie. I did love him, but I was selfish, and I didn't want to give Will up. Frankly, I liked the sex too much, and Jimmy wasn't giving me that. So I broke his heart and sent him away.

Later, after Will, I wanted Jimmy back. I made an absolute fool of myself because he had someone else, but I refused to acknowledge it. I wanted him, and I was selfish enough to think he'd simply take me back.

Oh, baby... That sounds like an awful situation for all three of you to have been in, frankly. Tell me, if that happened today, would you have made the same decisions?

That's just it, Will.

I don't know. I say no, because I know how badly I treated him, but in reality? I don't know.

*sighs*

Sweetheart, I love your honesty.

It sounds to me like you promised Jimmy something you didn't really have a right to; not when you were dating someone else already and knew how Jimmy would feel about sharing you. But it doesn't sound like you left him because you were afraid. You chose Will because you didn't want to give up what you had with him and what he gave you. You made a choice, baby, and sometimes choices are going to be selfish. You could have either hurt Will or you could have hurt Jimmy, and you made your choice. It doesn't matter why. You can't beat yourself up for that.

I promised Jimmy that I loved him, and that I would be with him when he came back. How can you say I didn't have the right to do that?

Yes, I was with Will, but we weren't exclusive. I don't know that I would have hurt Will so much if I'd chosen Jimmy.

Instead I waited until later to hurt him.

Baby, I just meant that it would be like saying yes to my proposal if you were seeing someone else at the same time. You wouldn't really have a right to promise me anything unless you were completely available. If you knew that he wouldn't want to share you, but you were seeing someone else, you couldn't really promise to be with him when he got back because someone else was in the picture. I'm not saying you intentionally promised him something knowing you wouldn't keep that promise. You wouldn't do that. Does that make sense?

So, then you chose Will but you hurt him later. Tell me, sweetie.

I wasn't promising him anything I hadn't already been giving him.

Will.

Will and I were happy. Everything was going really great for us, then he was kidnapped and raped, repeatedly. He was tortured over a period of days, and when he came back, he was... well, he was a rape victim. He was withdrawn and hurting, and I couldn't reach him, emotionally.

I was trying, very hard. He lived with his father, and his father and I didn't get along, but I pretty much ignored him.

On Christmas, I didn't ask his father if he had plans, and I decorated the house, and had a huge meal delivered, and I thought I was doing something good. Jason, his father, thought otherwise. We got into a physical fight and if Will hadn't pulled him off me, he might have killed me.

Will ran away that night. I searched and searched for him, and I couldn't find him. He didn't want me, or his father. When he finally came home, I tried to see him for a little while longer, but then I just gave up.

I told him that I couldn't help him, so I was leaving him. I abandoned him, Will. I just abandoned him.

*slowly nods, taking in everything*

Okay, sweetheart, first, I shouldn't have said you didn't have a right to promise Jimmy anything because I can see where you were coming from. I'm sorry.

And Will, well, that...

*hugs him tightly*

Darling... People forget that when a trauma happens, others are affected besides the victim. I know that must have been a horrible thing for Will to go through, but it's not as if you were prepared to deal with it, either. I don't want to sound selfish, but... I'm not going to think you're a horrible man for not knowing how to help a lover in that situation. And I know that you have it in you to be gentle and patient and understanding, because that's how you were with me.

Will, I left him. I didn't do anything to help him. I just walked out.

I don't intend to demean what you went through, but your situation and his were completely different. He was raped and tortured by a stranger over a period of days. And he was so young. He had a background of abuse, and I should have been more patient. I should never have walked away.

I regretted it almost instantly, but it was too late. I'd done the damage.

Did you try to go back to him?

Yes. He refused. He couldn't trust me.

*takes a deep breath*

Orli, I don't know what to say. I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not going to hate what you did and I'm not going to be afraid that one day you'll leave me. I feel horrible that you're still hurting because of the pain you caused people you loved. I feel badly for Jimmy and Will going through everything they did.

But, baby, I'm sorry, I'm still not going to think you're a horrible person for leaving Will because you couldn't bear the weight of what happened to him. You're a human being, and you're not infallible.

I know I'm lucky that Kevin didn't hurt me more, but that's only because you and Logan saved me. I'd be dead if not for you, and I wish that could mean more or make you see...

You're beating yourself up, sweetheart. I'm not going to join in. And I'm not going to have any doubts about wanting to be with you.

Well then, I suppose you've had fair warning.

I do love you. I really and truly do.

I have had fair warning and it feels good that you told me everything. I know that wasn't easy for you.

Now, here's your fair warning:

I'm not blind and I'm not foolish, and I know that any relationship has risks. Opening my heart to you was a huge risk after Kevin, but I didn't have any choice in the matter. You broke down my defenses before I ever had a chance to build them up, and now that I'm madly in love with you, nothing is going to stop me from wanting to be with you.

I love you, Orlando Bloom. More than that, I am completely devoted to you. I am completely loyal to you. Yes, I'll be able to look past your flaws but not because I don't see them. It'll be because I choose to look past them to see the man I adore above everything else. Don't be upset if I wasn't willing to rebuke you, sweetheart. When all is said and done, I am choosing to be the one person who will always be in your corner, no matter what.

And it's not just because I love you. It's also because of the way you love me.

I don't want you to look past them. They are a part of me. You can't love just a portion of me that's good.

Will, look at how I treated Cordelia. She wasn't in the ground a month before I was snogging you in Scotland. Then I find out she's back, and did I even attempt to make things right with her? No. I acted as if we'd never been married at all.

I know they're a part of you. I love all of you, Orli, but I'm not going to focus on the bad parts. I'm making a conscious decision to understand that while they're a part of you, that's all they are. A part. They are not you.

I've fucked up a lot. I've been unkind and uncaring and generally a Grade A asshole to people I've been involved with in the past. But I don't want you to hold that against me. Why in the world would I do that to you? You're not the only sinner on the planet, sweetheart, and I'm really pissed off at whoever might be making you feel that way.

Who said something to you, baby?

No one. I know how I am.

I just think about them. All three of them. None of them want anything to do with me, and I can't blame them.

They say it's a mark of a good person when even their exes like them. I'm obviously not a good person, Will.

Not true. You told me that Will was there for you when Cordy died. If he wanted nothing to do with you, he wouldn't have been there for you. And doesn't Jimmy live far away? There's no telling what's going on in his life right now. Cordy, I can understand. Scorned ex wives are the most unforgiving creatures on the planet. I'm convinced the only reason Talia is civil to me now is because I'm seeing you and she can get some mileage out of knowing you by association. If not for you, she'd still be burning me in effigy and harassing me.

And who's 'they' and what the hell do they know, anyway? I know plenty of people who're despised by their exes, but they're wonderful people. It's the exes who have a problem. Most of the time it's because they still have feelings for the person, so it comes out as hostility. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I am a serial cheater who was very unkind in my younger days. Do you honestly think I'm that same person?

Stop trying to make me stop loving you.

You were that way years ago, Will. I was that way three months ago!

I'm not trying to make you do anything. I don't think I am, at least.

I'm just scared to fucking death. I don't want to be responsible for another broken heart.

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