porter_inc | Topic 117: What they're thinking

I shudder to think what it would be like to see my mother's every thought. As much as I love her, I don't want to know if she's scheming to get me back together with Peter. Okay, bad example. I already know that's what she wants. But I don't need to know exactly how much she's thinking about my personal life I don't want to see how much she worries about me because I feel bad enough when we talk about it. I already know that she loves me and supports me, and that's enough for me. Any more detail and it could start to feel a little uncomfortable. All right, the truth is I don't want to think about my mother thinking about my sex life. It's about to make my brain seize up.

Okay, maybe it would be safe to know what my boss is thinking about me. This way, I can know when I'm on the right track, when I'm about to go off course and what he expects of me in order for me to impress him. Though, constantly hearing what a genius I am could go to my head and make it impossible to live with me. (That's a joke, by the way. My sarcasm doesn't seem to be obvious yet.) Not only that, but there's the slight chance that he's interested in me for his daughter. I just don't need to know that for sure, thank you.

Peter. There isn't anything Peter could think about me that I don't already know, and if there's anything I don't know, there's good reason for it. We're perfect the way we are. I love him, he loves me and being able to know what he's thinking might end up being redundant.

Anyone I'm dating is definitely out. The last thing I need is to know that they're picking me apart bit by bit, discovering all my annoying little habits and wondering how they can get away before they get in too deep. Or, even worse, they could think they love me and then I'd have to deal with that.

After a lot of thought, I've decided that I have no damn clue who I would want to hold that kind of power over. It's definitely not a situation you can enter into lightly. Think about it; the ability to know exactly what someone is thinking about you is one of the most potentially explosive things ever. If you choose someone you love, there's always the chance that they'll think something about you that will hurt you, or at least surprise you. If you choose someone you hate, there's always the chance they'll think something to piss you off beyond all reason, making a bad situation even worse. There's a reason we can't read each other's minds.

Jesus, I think the real problem is I'm not sure I want to know what people are thinking about me, and not just the people I care about. I'd rather someone just tell me - be honest with me - than think one thing and say another.