porter_inc (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
porter_inc) wrote2006-04-30 04:12 pm
porter_inc) wrote2006-04-30 04:12 pm
Pick-a-Will Story: Evil Will
For ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
logan_maxwell [set in the future, all dialogue]
"Cavanaugh here."
"Hey, Pete."
"Hey, buddy. This is an unexpected surprise."
"How come?"
"You only call me once a week unless... Shit, Talia's not up to something is she?"
"No, no, no. Talia's fine. I'm calling because I have some news."
"Ah. Okay. Let me guess. It's got something to do with your new boyfriend."
"Not so new, actually. You know we've been together for a little over a year now."
"Have you? The time just flew by."
"Ooh, you're so sexy when you're sarcastic."
"It's one of my charms."
"One of your many."
"Not that you'd appreciate them."
"Aw, come on, Petey. You know I love all your charms. Even the ones that are kind of shitty."
"I do not have shitty charms."
"You have a few."
"Will?"
"Mmm hmm?"
"What do you want?"
"I wanted you to be the first to hear the news."
"...Okay. What's your news?"
"I'm getting married."
"..."
"Pete? Hello?"
"Um, I'm here. I... Wow. Congratulations. I'm... Congratulate Kevin for me."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you're getting married."
"Yeah, but it has nothing to do with him."
"What?"
"I'm breaking up with him."
"What? Why? I thought you guys... The last time I talked to you, you guys were still going strong. What happened?"
"I've told you about my assistant, Sandy, right?"
"Yes..."
"And I've told you how we kind of have this little flirtation going on."
"Even though you're gay and she's...not a man. Yeah..."
"Well, I guess... Peter, I don't think I'm exactly gay. Actually, I know I'm not."
"Um, Will, I have a few body parts that believe you're very gay. I bet Kevin does, too."
"That's just sex, though. My heart isn't gay."
"Your heart... Will, are you serious?"
"Serious enough to send you an invitation and hope you agree to come out for the wedding."
"You're marrying your assistant."
"Yes."
"A woman."
"Yes."
"And you're not gay."
"That's right."
"I... Will, I... Jesus fucking Christ."
"Um, could you watch the language, please?"
"Since when?"
"Since I'm also getting involved in the church, again. My new wife and I will be having kids and raising them Catholic. I think that it's best that we--"
"What? You're having kids? Will, you don't want children. What the hell is wrong with you? It's like you've gone crazy or something."
"Peter, I would appreciate it if you didn't mock my new life decisions."
"I'll mock whatever the fuck I want, William. You are about to make a huge mistake and it's up to me to stop you. I don't know if you've been visited by the ghost of your father or what, but I won't let you do this."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm your goddamn friend, that's why not. You are not going to enter into another marriage that's based on lies. I won't let you be someone you're not. I won't let you bring kids into a situation like that, and I sure as hell won't let you do something like that to Kevin."
"Why do you care about Kevin so much?"
"Look, I know I tease you about him, but he's a good guy. I know he loves you and I know he can give you what I never could; what you could never let me give you. He deserves so much more than this."
"I can't believe you're backing him up."
"Yeah, well, like I said, he's a good man."
"Are you finished?"
"I haven't even started, Will."
"Um, okay, well, before you really get going, could you tell me the date?"
"March 31st, why?"
"No, actually, March 31st was yesterday."
"What?"
"Yesterday. March 31st. Today's..."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!"
614 words
logan_maxwell [set in the future, all dialogue]"Cavanaugh here."
"Hey, Pete."
"Hey, buddy. This is an unexpected surprise."
"How come?"
"You only call me once a week unless... Shit, Talia's not up to something is she?"
"No, no, no. Talia's fine. I'm calling because I have some news."
"Ah. Okay. Let me guess. It's got something to do with your new boyfriend."
"Not so new, actually. You know we've been together for a little over a year now."
"Have you? The time just flew by."
"Ooh, you're so sexy when you're sarcastic."
"It's one of my charms."
"One of your many."
"Not that you'd appreciate them."
"Aw, come on, Petey. You know I love all your charms. Even the ones that are kind of shitty."
"I do not have shitty charms."
"You have a few."
"Will?"
"Mmm hmm?"
"What do you want?"
"I wanted you to be the first to hear the news."
"...Okay. What's your news?"
"I'm getting married."
"..."
"Pete? Hello?"
"Um, I'm here. I... Wow. Congratulations. I'm... Congratulate Kevin for me."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you're getting married."
"Yeah, but it has nothing to do with him."
"What?"
"I'm breaking up with him."
"What? Why? I thought you guys... The last time I talked to you, you guys were still going strong. What happened?"
"I've told you about my assistant, Sandy, right?"
"Yes..."
"And I've told you how we kind of have this little flirtation going on."
"Even though you're gay and she's...not a man. Yeah..."
"Well, I guess... Peter, I don't think I'm exactly gay. Actually, I know I'm not."
"Um, Will, I have a few body parts that believe you're very gay. I bet Kevin does, too."
"That's just sex, though. My heart isn't gay."
"Your heart... Will, are you serious?"
"Serious enough to send you an invitation and hope you agree to come out for the wedding."
"You're marrying your assistant."
"Yes."
"A woman."
"Yes."
"And you're not gay."
"That's right."
"I... Will, I... Jesus fucking Christ."
"Um, could you watch the language, please?"
"Since when?"
"Since I'm also getting involved in the church, again. My new wife and I will be having kids and raising them Catholic. I think that it's best that we--"
"What? You're having kids? Will, you don't want children. What the hell is wrong with you? It's like you've gone crazy or something."
"Peter, I would appreciate it if you didn't mock my new life decisions."
"I'll mock whatever the fuck I want, William. You are about to make a huge mistake and it's up to me to stop you. I don't know if you've been visited by the ghost of your father or what, but I won't let you do this."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm your goddamn friend, that's why not. You are not going to enter into another marriage that's based on lies. I won't let you be someone you're not. I won't let you bring kids into a situation like that, and I sure as hell won't let you do something like that to Kevin."
"Why do you care about Kevin so much?"
"Look, I know I tease you about him, but he's a good guy. I know he loves you and I know he can give you what I never could; what you could never let me give you. He deserves so much more than this."
"I can't believe you're backing him up."
"Yeah, well, like I said, he's a good man."
"Are you finished?"
"I haven't even started, Will."
"Um, okay, well, before you really get going, could you tell me the date?"
"March 31st, why?"
"No, actually, March 31st was yesterday."
"What?"
"Yesterday. March 31st. Today's..."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!"
614 words
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Oh that definitely is very evil!
Not to mention very funny! Thanks. =D
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*unicorn is snorting, too*
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