For lost_spiritus

[porter_inc]

After this.

Will got the text message from Mac when he checked his phone. He wasn't sure where she was on her road trip, so he was glad to hear from her and decided to give her a call to check on her.

Comments

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

Her vibrating phone made her jump and she reached into her pocket, frowening when she saw the name. She wanted to hit reject so much, she didn't want to hear how good this day had been, because with Orli at his side, how else would it be?

But instead she flicked it opened, answering it. "Hello Will."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Hey, Mac," Will said, glad she'd picked up. "I got your message. Merry Christmas, sweetie. How're you doing? Where are you?"

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Hey sweetie," there was a slight slurr to her voice, "You too." She sat back in the chair, "Oh, um...I don't know, some town, some hotel. But I'm, you know, surviving. What about you hmmm?"

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"I'm okay," Will said, wondering if she was drunk. "Have you been celebrating?" he asked with a little smile, holding off his concern until they'd talked more.

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Something like that," there was an edge to her voice, "Celebrating just how wonderful this holiday is."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will sighed. "Honey, why didn't you spend Christmas with Snake instead of being on your own?"

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Because Snake has his family with him, he doesn't need strays."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Mac, you know Snake would be upset if he knew that's what you think of him. He'd never think of you as a stray."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"But that's what I am, I was just some stray he picked up off the streets and took home and looked after. I'm so sick and tired of being there because people feel sorry for me."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Mac, you shouldn't dismiss sympathy, you know. Besides, it's only the first step towards people caring about you."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I don't want sympathy, I don't want people feeing sorry for me or anything like that."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will sighed. "Mac, sympathy is what makes us help people because it's the right thing to do. But caring about and loving people is what makes us want them to stick around. You can't see the difference with Snake and you should try."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Snake loves broken women, women he can look after and father, I don't want that." She was fighting back tears, "I miss my dad and I miss James."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will frowned. "Who's James, sweetheart?"

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

Tears started to fall down, her voice becoming so weak, "He adopted me, when I was a kid, he took me in and...He used to make such a big thing out of christmas."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Oh, honey..." Will whispered. "I'm sorry."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I miss him so much," Mac started to sob softly, "Why does everyone leave me?"

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"They don't, sweetie," Will said, wishing there was something he could do. "I know it feels that way, but they don't."

Sometimes, you leave them, he wanted to add.

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"They do," she whispered softly, "Everyone I care about." It had been so hard on her, watching James die, why was she talking this now? Why was she telling Will?

Mac had so much she kept inside, "He saw me, not s-some troublesome kid."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Where's James now, sweetheart?" Will asked softly. He had a horrible feeling he knew judging from the way Mac sounded.

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"He's in Boston, Forest Hills Cemetry," She sniffled again, "He-he died, cancer, it...he was all I had and, and I watched him die, I was so alone."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Oh shit.

"I'm so sorry, Mac," he whispered, his heart aching for the girl who had to go through that. "But did he have family? Didn't they help you afterwards?"

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"No," There was a long pause, "They...they never accepted me, I was thrown out by his brother, onto the streets and...it was...God."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will felt a surge of anger towards the people who would treat a young girl so callously. "I wish I'd known you then, Mac. I could have kicked that brother's ass and taken you in."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I was only 17," she whispered softly, "I...I lost everything. He was everything to me."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will knew she was drunk and depressed, and he didn't want to make things worse. If she was alone, he definitely didn't want to think about her focusing on such bad memories.

"He'd be proud that you're such a strong woman, now, Mac."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I wasn't, when Snake found me I was dying, living onthe streets and addicted to drugs. If Snake hadn't pushed me so much and...I'd probably be dead."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Mac, I said now. After what you've been through, concentrate on who you are now."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

She just nodded slowly, but there was a gasped sob on her end of the line, "Will...I'm so sick of being so alone."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"You're not alone, sweetie," Will said softly and slowly. "You've got friends who care about you now."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I know, but...You are all so far away."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"When you get back from your road trip, we won't be."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

She nodded, sniffing still, "I miss it all so much."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will switched the phone to his other ear and sat back in his seat. "Then come back home, sweetie."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Back...back to my empty apartment, I don't want to come back to that life."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Well, it's more than an empty apartment. It's back to your friends."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

Mac fell silent for so long, all that could be heard were her sniffs. "I miss you."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

The words broke Will's heart, especially since he knew he couldn't so anything. "I miss you, too, sweetheart. I'm sorry you're so sad."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I...I just needed to do this though."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

Will nodded even though she couldn't see him. "I know, sweetie. And it's good that you did it. But it'll be even better for you to get home."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"I'm so tried of feeling this way."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"I know," he said softly, trying to soothe her. "But things can change, you know. Who knows what the new year will have in store?"

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Will you come see me?"

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Of course I will," Will said. "And you'll have to come see me, too."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

She nodded slowly, "Course I will..I...I should let you get back."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Okay, sweetie," Will said softly. "But if you need me, don't hesitate to call, all right?"

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

She nodded slowly, "Alright, see you soon."

[ex-will-port106.livejournal.com]

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," Will says, wishing that he could really make it merry for her. "Love you."

[lost-spiritus.livejournal.com]

"Love you too," she hangs up.