porter_inc (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
porter_inc) wrote2006-11-28 09:30 pm
porter_inc) wrote2006-11-28 09:30 pm
Entry tags:
Random Fic: Selfishness
Deep down, I feel like I'm a very selfish man. I'm selfish with my time, my things, and with anyone I'm close to. I don't like it when my friends are taken away from me by other people. I don't like having to give of myself when I don't see any good point in doing it. If you want to touch my stuff, you'd better ask first and make sure not to screw up anything. All of these things have the potential to lead to behavior that isn't too pretty when it surfaces. Thankfully, those are extremely rare moments and my selfishness is usually relegated to the back of my mind so I'm basically a nice guy. For all I know, everyone feels those sorts of selfish tendencies.
There is one glaring exception, however. Being in love for the first time has brought out a possessive, jealous, selfish side that can't be so easily ignored. I feel selfish when it comes to sharing my lover with anyone. It doesn't mean I don't, and it doesn't mean I want to keep him locked up in some tower somewhere. It means that I want him with me all the time, I want to see him, touch him, just smile at him because he's right there with me. I also feel as if I don't want anyone else to take my time away from him. Having to leave him after one of our visits practically kills me. While I understand the reasons behind it, I resent them. I want to have a tantrum and scream that he's mine, hands off, gimme, get your own, leave us alone. Thankfully, I never actually do that. But I want to. He's mine, I'm his and I don't want anyone forgetting that.
Funnily enough, I would do absolutely anything for him, give him anything he wanted and live my life to make sure he's happy without any thought for myself. He has made me completely selfless. But only for him.
There is one glaring exception, however. Being in love for the first time has brought out a possessive, jealous, selfish side that can't be so easily ignored. I feel selfish when it comes to sharing my lover with anyone. It doesn't mean I don't, and it doesn't mean I want to keep him locked up in some tower somewhere. It means that I want him with me all the time, I want to see him, touch him, just smile at him because he's right there with me. I also feel as if I don't want anyone else to take my time away from him. Having to leave him after one of our visits practically kills me. While I understand the reasons behind it, I resent them. I want to have a tantrum and scream that he's mine, hands off, gimme, get your own, leave us alone. Thankfully, I never actually do that. But I want to. He's mine, I'm his and I don't want anyone forgetting that.
Funnily enough, I would do absolutely anything for him, give him anything he wanted and live my life to make sure he's happy without any thought for myself. He has made me completely selfless. But only for him.