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PSA

Do not get drunk and post in your journal. When you read it the next day, you wonder what the hell you were thinking. But at least I locked it. I'm embarrassed reading it and that's with knowing no one else can see it! What's most surprising? I actually still made sense. Go fig.

I spent the night at Pete's because we got drunk while we talked some things out. This morning, he made me breakfast, then sent me on my way. We're good.

I've got to finish packing up my stuff! And I have to prepare Mom for the moment I rip her grandpuppies away from her.

[locked to Orlando]

Are you sure you want me to move in with you? I have a lot of annoying habits I won't be able to hide anymore.

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I don't know. I mean, I trust you and I know you wouldn't cheat on me.

And I know I wouldn't ever cheat on you. I don't even find anyone else vaguely attractive.

So what's the problem? Shouldn't that be enough?

C'mon, love. You can't tell me you don't find anyone else attractive.

I don't. I mean, I can obviously see if people are good looking or physically appealing, etc., but it doesn't mean I find them attractive in the sense that I'm attracted to them. It's kind of weird, because that's never happened before.

Oh.

Well, I suppose I'm flattered.

I've written about it a lot in my journal, but I don't think I've ever told you.

*smiles* It's okay if you think it's weird.

I don't think it's weird.

I think maybe I'm weird.

Why, sweetheart?

I would guess that's how a person is supposed to feel.

Maybe it's just how I'm supposed to feel so I don't fuck things up. If I didn't, I could end up cheating on you no matter how much I love you. I don't care what people say. I know that your character is a lot stronger than mine.

Oh God Will, you are SO wrong about that!

(ooc: wrong icon!)

Sweetheart, I know that neither of us is perfect. We have made a lot of mistakes. But you are faithful. You were faithful to Cordy when you were married. I was faithful to Talia by default. The only reason I didn't cheat on Talia with a woman during our marriage was because I didn't want to have to "service" two women. The first second Peter came to me and said he wanted me, I threw away 12 years of marriage to fuck him. And... I deliberately didn't come clean with Talia because I liked the idea of fooling around behind her back. I made a conscious decision to have sex with Peter in my marriage bed because I was angry with her for "making" me live a lie, and we did it there every day until she walked in on us. When she caught us, the very first thing I felt was excitement, not shame or remorse. It wasn't until I looked at her that I felt guilty.

I dumped Peter because I didn't want to feel married to him and that's what he wanted. I cheated on Kevin long before he started treating me badly, and lied about being forced to have sex with my boss. I wanted it because he was attractive and in a position of authority, so I did it. I probably deserved what Kevin did to me.

Shit, sweetheart, you are the first person I've been in a relationship with who makes me want to be a genuinely good, loving, faithful person. I can't explain how amazing it feels. But I would deserve to lose you. If you're having second thoughts because you think you're a bad person, don't. I can forgive you for anything you've ever done. You should have second thoughts because I'm not a good person.

Will, stop it, please.

You didn't deserve what Kevin did. Even if you did cheat on him.

I wasn't faithful to Cordy. I slept with Aidan. And the main reason I decided to stay married? Because I wanted to prove to Jimmy that I could. How shitty is that?

I'm sorry, Orli, but I'm not going to stop it until you see that I won't let you push me away.

I don't know if you remember, but a while back we talked about wanting to get to know everything about each other. I said that we might end up finding out we're both bastards.

Well, I guess in a way we've found out that we're definitely not angels. And that hasn't changed the fact that I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Baby, I'm so happy you're going to talk to someone about your personal demons. Not because of how they'll affect me, but because of the way they're affecting you. Just, please let me love you while you work everything out. You deserve to be loved, and I don't want to be anywhere else but by your side.

I love you, and I want to be well for you. I'm going to get there, for you.

For us, darling.

For us.

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