porter_inc (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
porter_inc) wrote2006-12-22 03:05 am
porter_inc) wrote2006-12-22 03:05 am
Entry tags:
100moods: Pensive
Early November 2006
Will wondered if the person who invented Spray Cheez was high when he (or she) came up with the idea. Or drunk. The only time Will could stand to eat the stuff - using the preferred "spray directly in the mouth" method - was when he was drunk. He gazed at the can, shook it, then stuck the nozzle in his mouth and released a burst of salty, creamy gunk.
"Baby, we have crackers, you know."
Inez appeared in the kitchen wearing her dressing gown and sporting the fuzzy slippers Will had bought her last year as a gag gift for Christmas. She liked them, though, and wore the bright orange bulls all the time. One of the bull's ears flapped as she walked, and it looked like one of the dogs must have gone for it. As Inez padded around the kitchen, first to the pantry, then to the cupboard for a plate, Will couldn't stop staring at the floppy ear.
"Your ear's loose," he said when she presented a plate full of crackers to him.
She looked down at her foot and nodded. "I know. Wendell likes to chew it."
"Oh." Will put the nozzle in his mouth again and squeezed.
"Will, there are crackers right there..."
Stopping mid-swallow, Will looked at his mother guiltily, picked up a cracker and crammed it into his mouth. "Sorry," he said, spraying crumbs as he chewed.
Inez frowned and sat down at the table, next to her son. "Honey? Are you drunk?"
Will kept chewing and shrugged. "Maybe."
Reaching over, Inez brushed some crumbs from the front of Will's shirt. "You've been reading those awful papers again, haven't you? Baby, I told you--"
"Mom, why do you hate Talia?"
The question obviously took her by surprise, but she picked up a cracker and took the can of cheese from Will. "We've just never gotten along," she said, covering the cracker with little squiggles of cheese and handing it to him. "She made it clear when we met that she expected me to stay out of the way since she was going to be the woman in your life."
"She said that to you?" Will took a bite and cursed when the cracker fell apart.
"She did. After that, we never got along. She didn't want me around."
"That's pretty bitchy," Will nodded. "I wish you'd told me."
"I didn't want to put you in that position, honey," Inez said, grabbing a napkin and cleaning some stray cheese off Will's sleeve. "Things worked out for the best between you."
"You know what I did to her, right?" Will asked softly.
"What do you mean, baby?"
Will pushed the plate away and put his elbows on the table. "What I did to Talia. Why we got divorced."
Inez reached over to rub his back. "Baby, why are you thinking about this now? Is it because she's getting married again?"
"I didn't just decide that I was gay and had to leave her," Will said, ignoring the question. "I didn't wait until we were separated to get involved with Pete. I did it while I was still married."
"Honey, I know," Inez said softly. "You made a mistake and she made you pay for it."
Shaking his head, Will buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. "Mom, she caught us in bed together. Peter came over to the house while Talia was at work, and we... We were in the master bedroom, Talia came home unexpectedly because she'd suspected I was seeing someone, and she caught us." He didn't know why he was confessing this now. Maybe he wanted his mother to be angry with him or judge him the way he'd always judged himself when it came to what he'd done.
When Inez didn't say anything, Will raised his head and looked at her. He couldn't read her expression, but when she gave his arm a squeeze, he figured she didn't hate him.
"Why are you telling me this, sweetie?" she asked, not one lick of judgment in her voice.
"I hurt her so badly, Mom," he said, on the verge of tears in his drunken state. "The look on her face when she saw us... She found out her husband was cheating and that was bad enough, you know? But then when she saw Peter... Jesus Christ, I wanted to die. I never wanted to hurt her like that. I thought I didn't care about her anymore, but when she looked at me... That's why I didn't care if she got everything."
Inez nodded. "What do you want me to say, baby?"
"You shouldn't hate her, Mom. Not after what I did to her. I don't think it's fair... I can't stop thinking about Orlando's wife."
Again, Inez was surprised by the turn the conversation made, and she wondered just how much Will had to drink.
"Why, baby?"
"She hates Orlando because of me, just like Talia hated me because of Peter. I didn't mean to love her husband."
"Shh..." Inez stood up and put her arms around Will's shoulders, hugging him. "Honey, something tells me that they would have gotten divorced even if you hadn't been there. He's like you, and you should never have gotten married, either. To a woman, anyway."
"I know, but because he was with me, he didn't just lose his wife. He lost his best friend. If...if I could have felt so horrible about the way things ended with Talia, how much worse must it be for the two of them?"
Inez kissed the top of his head and rested her cheek against his hair. "Baby, has Orlando ever blamed you for the way his wife feels now?"
"No, but--"
"And has she - what's her name again, baby?"
"Cordelia."
"Has Cordelia confronted you?"
Will shook his head. "Mom, I talked to the woman once online when she and Orli were expecting their baby. Even if we had met, she's too classy to do something like confront her husband's boyfriend about their relationship."
"Baby, trust me when I say that class flies out the window when a woman gets angry enough." Inez gave him another kiss, then sat down again. "Listen to me, sweetheart. You didn't do anything wrong. Orlando didn't do anything wrong. You could have taken things a little slower and given him some time to really deal with everything."
"I asked him if he wanted time to think things over after she came back," Will said softly, "but..." He smiled then. "We couldn't stay away from each other if we tried."
"And that's what's making you feel bad?" Inez stroked his hair.
"No, I'm never going to feel bad for wanting to be with him," Will said firmly. "But I can't help sympathizing with her, even worrying about her a little. Orlando cares so much about her, so she has to be a good person, and all of this horrible stuff has happened to her... I wish I could do something to make it all okay for everyone involved." He sighed and looked at his mother, a small but grateful smile on his face. "I don't even know if that makes sense."
Inez sighed, too, then got up again to hug her son. "It makes sense, sweetheart, and I know you feel that way because you have a good heart. But you also have to know when to cut your losses and focus on what's going on in your own life. I know it sounds selfish, but you can worry about everyone else's happiness until the cows come home and it won't make one bit of difference to them because they'll never know. And if they do know, odds are they won't appreciate or even want your concern."
He leaned into her, just letting her mother him for a few moments. "I sent her flowers for the baby, you know. Anonymously, of course, but... I had to do something."
"Why, honey?"
"She's the mother of Orlando's child," Will said simply.
"Will..." Inez sighed again, gently tousling his hair. "Don't do that again, all right, sweetheart? Don't contact her, don't talk about her unless Orlando brings her up. Don't even think about her, if you can help it. It's Orlando's place to worry about her, not yours-"
"But-"
"You need to stay out of it, baby," Inez said, a sharp edge to her tone that made Will look up at her in surprise. She smiled to soften her words and touched her hand to his cheek. "Trust me on this, please, sweetheart."
"Okay," Will said with a little nod. He wondered what had happened to his mom to make her take this so personally. Because that's exactly what it felt like. "Okay," he repeated. "I'll try to let it go."
He really would. He just wasn't sure if he'd be able to. His answer seemed to satisfy Inez, though, because she gave him another kiss and proceeded to take out things to make cocoa.
"Just one cup and then bed, all right?" she said, smiling at Will.
"Do I get to add Bailey's?" he asked with a little smile. He would regardless of what she said.
"Yeah, and you can give me a little, too."
Will laughed and got up to walk a little unsteadily to the cabinet where Inez kept the alcohol. He paused next to her for a second.
"Thanks, Mom."
"For what, sweetie?"
Smiling, he gave her a hug. "For being my mom and fixing everything."
"Tell me that in the morning when you're sober, and we'll talk," Inez teased him.
Will seemed to think about that for a beat, then took out the Bailey's. "Fair enough."
Will wondered if the person who invented Spray Cheez was high when he (or she) came up with the idea. Or drunk. The only time Will could stand to eat the stuff - using the preferred "spray directly in the mouth" method - was when he was drunk. He gazed at the can, shook it, then stuck the nozzle in his mouth and released a burst of salty, creamy gunk.
"Baby, we have crackers, you know."
Inez appeared in the kitchen wearing her dressing gown and sporting the fuzzy slippers Will had bought her last year as a gag gift for Christmas. She liked them, though, and wore the bright orange bulls all the time. One of the bull's ears flapped as she walked, and it looked like one of the dogs must have gone for it. As Inez padded around the kitchen, first to the pantry, then to the cupboard for a plate, Will couldn't stop staring at the floppy ear.
"Your ear's loose," he said when she presented a plate full of crackers to him.
She looked down at her foot and nodded. "I know. Wendell likes to chew it."
"Oh." Will put the nozzle in his mouth again and squeezed.
"Will, there are crackers right there..."
Stopping mid-swallow, Will looked at his mother guiltily, picked up a cracker and crammed it into his mouth. "Sorry," he said, spraying crumbs as he chewed.
Inez frowned and sat down at the table, next to her son. "Honey? Are you drunk?"
Will kept chewing and shrugged. "Maybe."
Reaching over, Inez brushed some crumbs from the front of Will's shirt. "You've been reading those awful papers again, haven't you? Baby, I told you--"
"Mom, why do you hate Talia?"
The question obviously took her by surprise, but she picked up a cracker and took the can of cheese from Will. "We've just never gotten along," she said, covering the cracker with little squiggles of cheese and handing it to him. "She made it clear when we met that she expected me to stay out of the way since she was going to be the woman in your life."
"She said that to you?" Will took a bite and cursed when the cracker fell apart.
"She did. After that, we never got along. She didn't want me around."
"That's pretty bitchy," Will nodded. "I wish you'd told me."
"I didn't want to put you in that position, honey," Inez said, grabbing a napkin and cleaning some stray cheese off Will's sleeve. "Things worked out for the best between you."
"You know what I did to her, right?" Will asked softly.
"What do you mean, baby?"
Will pushed the plate away and put his elbows on the table. "What I did to Talia. Why we got divorced."
Inez reached over to rub his back. "Baby, why are you thinking about this now? Is it because she's getting married again?"
"I didn't just decide that I was gay and had to leave her," Will said, ignoring the question. "I didn't wait until we were separated to get involved with Pete. I did it while I was still married."
"Honey, I know," Inez said softly. "You made a mistake and she made you pay for it."
Shaking his head, Will buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. "Mom, she caught us in bed together. Peter came over to the house while Talia was at work, and we... We were in the master bedroom, Talia came home unexpectedly because she'd suspected I was seeing someone, and she caught us." He didn't know why he was confessing this now. Maybe he wanted his mother to be angry with him or judge him the way he'd always judged himself when it came to what he'd done.
When Inez didn't say anything, Will raised his head and looked at her. He couldn't read her expression, but when she gave his arm a squeeze, he figured she didn't hate him.
"Why are you telling me this, sweetie?" she asked, not one lick of judgment in her voice.
"I hurt her so badly, Mom," he said, on the verge of tears in his drunken state. "The look on her face when she saw us... She found out her husband was cheating and that was bad enough, you know? But then when she saw Peter... Jesus Christ, I wanted to die. I never wanted to hurt her like that. I thought I didn't care about her anymore, but when she looked at me... That's why I didn't care if she got everything."
Inez nodded. "What do you want me to say, baby?"
"You shouldn't hate her, Mom. Not after what I did to her. I don't think it's fair... I can't stop thinking about Orlando's wife."
Again, Inez was surprised by the turn the conversation made, and she wondered just how much Will had to drink.
"Why, baby?"
"She hates Orlando because of me, just like Talia hated me because of Peter. I didn't mean to love her husband."
"Shh..." Inez stood up and put her arms around Will's shoulders, hugging him. "Honey, something tells me that they would have gotten divorced even if you hadn't been there. He's like you, and you should never have gotten married, either. To a woman, anyway."
"I know, but because he was with me, he didn't just lose his wife. He lost his best friend. If...if I could have felt so horrible about the way things ended with Talia, how much worse must it be for the two of them?"
Inez kissed the top of his head and rested her cheek against his hair. "Baby, has Orlando ever blamed you for the way his wife feels now?"
"No, but--"
"And has she - what's her name again, baby?"
"Cordelia."
"Has Cordelia confronted you?"
Will shook his head. "Mom, I talked to the woman once online when she and Orli were expecting their baby. Even if we had met, she's too classy to do something like confront her husband's boyfriend about their relationship."
"Baby, trust me when I say that class flies out the window when a woman gets angry enough." Inez gave him another kiss, then sat down again. "Listen to me, sweetheart. You didn't do anything wrong. Orlando didn't do anything wrong. You could have taken things a little slower and given him some time to really deal with everything."
"I asked him if he wanted time to think things over after she came back," Will said softly, "but..." He smiled then. "We couldn't stay away from each other if we tried."
"And that's what's making you feel bad?" Inez stroked his hair.
"No, I'm never going to feel bad for wanting to be with him," Will said firmly. "But I can't help sympathizing with her, even worrying about her a little. Orlando cares so much about her, so she has to be a good person, and all of this horrible stuff has happened to her... I wish I could do something to make it all okay for everyone involved." He sighed and looked at his mother, a small but grateful smile on his face. "I don't even know if that makes sense."
Inez sighed, too, then got up again to hug her son. "It makes sense, sweetheart, and I know you feel that way because you have a good heart. But you also have to know when to cut your losses and focus on what's going on in your own life. I know it sounds selfish, but you can worry about everyone else's happiness until the cows come home and it won't make one bit of difference to them because they'll never know. And if they do know, odds are they won't appreciate or even want your concern."
He leaned into her, just letting her mother him for a few moments. "I sent her flowers for the baby, you know. Anonymously, of course, but... I had to do something."
"Why, honey?"
"She's the mother of Orlando's child," Will said simply.
"Will..." Inez sighed again, gently tousling his hair. "Don't do that again, all right, sweetheart? Don't contact her, don't talk about her unless Orlando brings her up. Don't even think about her, if you can help it. It's Orlando's place to worry about her, not yours-"
"But-"
"You need to stay out of it, baby," Inez said, a sharp edge to her tone that made Will look up at her in surprise. She smiled to soften her words and touched her hand to his cheek. "Trust me on this, please, sweetheart."
"Okay," Will said with a little nod. He wondered what had happened to his mom to make her take this so personally. Because that's exactly what it felt like. "Okay," he repeated. "I'll try to let it go."
He really would. He just wasn't sure if he'd be able to. His answer seemed to satisfy Inez, though, because she gave him another kiss and proceeded to take out things to make cocoa.
"Just one cup and then bed, all right?" she said, smiling at Will.
"Do I get to add Bailey's?" he asked with a little smile. He would regardless of what she said.
"Yeah, and you can give me a little, too."
Will laughed and got up to walk a little unsteadily to the cabinet where Inez kept the alcohol. He paused next to her for a second.
"Thanks, Mom."
"For what, sweetie?"
Smiling, he gave her a hug. "For being my mom and fixing everything."
"Tell me that in the morning when you're sober, and we'll talk," Inez teased him.
Will seemed to think about that for a beat, then took out the Bailey's. "Fair enough."