Dec. 30th, 2006 12:59 pm
porter_inc: (Default)
Janice called back. It's up to him to call her after the new year. She was happy to hear from me and asked how I was doing. I froze. Conditioning! But I said fine and asked for a referral for myself.

I have a sinus thing but it's not a cold. No fever. Just sniffles and congestion. Nonetheless, Mom's drowning me in chicken soup. And hot toddies. I keep passing out. Now, I just pour them down the drain before I get alcohol poisoning.

Peter broke up with the boytoy because he was too immature. Pot. Kettle. Black. Kidding. It sounds like they wanted different things from life. The boytoy wanted to go out every night, get drunk, do drugs, be an all around hot little party monster. And Peter's 34. Heh. I should remember that for the next time I talk to him.

Talia called to tell me lawyer man broke the lamp I gave her for a wedding gift and asked for the name of the store where I bought it. Bastard probably did it on purpose because he hates Tiffany lamps. She heard about Lesbian Knock Up 2007 and congratulated me on my impending fatherhood. Then she went into a long, sad discussion about the baby we lost and how he or she would have turned thirteen this year, she and I would probably still be happily married and I wouldn't have felt the need to "become involved in that gay nonsense" since I would have had fatherly responsibilities. I honestly didn't know where to start telling her what was wrong with pretty much everything that she said beginning with the lesbians. She did get the age of the kid right, though. God, me with a teenager? Jesus wept.

Ann and Helene came by. They've decided that Ann will carry the bambino. Good choice. She's prettier, more intelligent, athletic, great sense of humor, no visible deformities and I would actually have sex with her if they wanted to do it that way. Okay, that last part's a lie, but the rest is true. I love Helene, and it's not as if she could pass for the Creature from the Black Lagoon or anything. Ann's just got more of everything. It's kind of like me and Orli. On my own, I'm not bad. But Orli's got more of everything. Anyway, Operation Babymaker looks like it's really going to happen this time. And I've decided not to have anything to do with the offspring other than them sending me pictures so I have proof it didn't turn out looking like an ape. It's not going to be my child and if they want to have a father figure in its life, they can sure as hell do better than me. And if anything happens to this one, too, I don't want to be able to care so much. Mom's ready to play Grandma, though, and scolded me quite handily when I reminded her that it wouldn't really be her grandchild after the papers are all signed. She said, and I quote, "William, I would be a grandmother to that baby if Mickey Mouse was the father. These girls are my friends and have asked me to be involved, and I will be for as long as they need me." Then I made a comment about the set of ears that kid would have if Mickey was the dad, not to mention being born with big, puffy, white glove-clad hands. She kicked me out of the kitchen and finished her tea with the ladies. Ann and Helene were laughing, though. See? Lesbians aren't all granola-crunching, Birkenstock-wearing, "global-warming-is-real"-gabbing, "I-lost-my-sense-of-humor-the-first-time-a -girl-went-down-on-me"-doing, man-hating, feminazis. In fact, I would be willing to bet that most of them are like Ann and Helene. And, as with any group, the extremists get all the press.

Evie called just to say hi. She's so sweet. I mean, even if she wasn't my sister (allegedly - DNA test next month), I would really like her. Get this: she says stuff the way I do. I know it's the other way around and is due to Dad, but every now and then she sounds like me. Is that freaky or what? And kind of cool. From the sounds of things, her brother - our brother - is just like Dad. Poor bastard. But she told me all about her latest casting project and how much trouble they're having finding someone to play the lead. I told her I'd do it as a favor but she had to promise not to want to cast me in everything after that because I just wouldn't have the time and would hate to feel obligated. Then I told her about my engagement, she screamed and congratulated me. I love this girl already.

Wendell and Blade are in love. Er, I mean, they're just "really good friends" who never leave each other's side, snuggle at night and do the same cute little doggie moves that make Mom want to deck them out in horrendous doggie sweaters. Poor babies. If I see them donning spandex and going for bike rides, I'm going to nickname them "Gyllenstrong."

The new year is almost here and the possibilities are endless. Please, God, don't let Orli break up with me.


Dec. 29th, 2006 02:08 pm
porter_inc: (Default)
Do not get drunk and post in your journal. When you read it the next day, you wonder what the hell you were thinking. But at least I locked it. I'm embarrassed reading it and that's with knowing no one else can see it! What's most surprising? I actually still made sense. Go fig.

I spent the night at Pete's because we got drunk while we talked some things out. This morning, he made me breakfast, then sent me on my way. We're good.

I've got to finish packing up my stuff! And I have to prepare Mom for the moment I rip her grandpuppies away from her.

[locked to Orlando]

Are you sure you want me to move in with you? I have a lot of annoying habits I won't be able to hide anymore.
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
After this.


I'm on Pete's computer. I'm a littel drunk so I'll be sleepingin the guest room.

bUt I'm okay! I mean it's going to be okay.

All systms are go for Operation Suppport Orlando. Helove s me and I will not doutb that!! I'll do iverything I can to help him love himselg too .

Pete's gonna be my best man.

Im' sleeepy.

I can't waitt o talk to Orli tomorrow!!!!


Dec. 28th, 2006 10:39 pm
porter_inc: (scotch)

Orli's agreed to see someone. I'm going to call Janice tonight and leave a message for her. I don't know if I can make an appointment on Orli's behalf, but at least this'll get the ball rolling. I just hope he doesn't change his mind. And it shouldn't be a problem for her to see him since I'm no longer her patient.

I'm worried about him. He's so down on himself, punishing himself for things he's done in the past. I know he's happy with me when he lets himself be, but I'm obviously not enough.

I really hate the people who're making him feel this way. He says it's all him, but I don't know if I believe that.

I'm going to get a drink and then call Peter after I call Janice. I really feel like this is my fault because I proposed. I'm such an idiot. We were so happy and then I had to ruin it. Maybe I should take the ring back and tell him I didn't mean to pressure him and he doesn't have to say yes just because I asked. I'd understand. Both of our marriages were farces underneath it all, so it would make sense to be leery. I just... It felt so right. He looked so happy when I asked him. And when we made love, it was perfect. I'd never felt that connected to him. I thought... I never thought it would end up making him feel like this.

I'm so selfish. I thought he'd want this. Instead, he's preparing me for the day he walks out and leaves me because his ex lovers make him feel guilty for the way things ended with them.

Maybe I shouldn't move to New York just yet. What if I make things worse by being around all the time?


Dec. 28th, 2006 02:09 am
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
Today I called the lesbians and told them that I'll be happy to knock one of them up. I had discussed it with Orli first because... Just because. And he's all right with it, bless him. Ann told me she's going to ask Mom if she would mind being there as a "grandmother" since her parents are deceased and Helene's folks have disowned her. I told her that she needs to expect a high pitched squeal when she does ask Mom to do that. Of course, Mom won't have any legal rights to the bundle and neither will I, so I'm a little worried about Mom getting hurt. Then again, my mother's a lot more resilient than I've ever given her credit for - just look at the circumstances with Evie and her brother. Anyway, I'll be signing all the necessary paperwork for the lesbians when it's time. Right now, they're looking at late January/early February for the launch date. I offered to do it the natural way and Ann very sweetly told me to "shut the fuck up, pervert!" Nice mouth you got there, Mama. :-) Oh, there will have to be sacrifices, though. When it's time for the harvesting, I won't be able to have sex or diddle lest I send my soldiers swirling down the shower drain or shooting down Orli's throat when either Ann or Helene will need them. It's all very strange and they've recommended the four of us do some counseling to ensure that all parties are fine, etc. Can't hurt, right? I want to make sure that Orli's okay through every step of this.

[locked] )
porter_inc: (first xmas)
If I was any more excited, things would be bursting all over the place! This is going to be the best Christmas ever and I'm almost ready to start counting down the hours. Since Orli and I agreed to spend Christmas with Mom, I'm assuming we'll be doing Christmas Eve here, too (Baby?). If we do, we'll have the house to ourselves since Mom's spending it with her *choke* boyfriend and not coming back 'til Christmas morning. Jeez.

I'm back to my good old male self again, but it was fun to be a woman for a day. The whole sex thing was pretty great, but it still didn't feel as good as when I'm with Master Bloom.

BTW, I've had this Mastercard ad thing going through my head all day:

Silk dress shirt....$100
Dress pants....$80
Checking between my legs to make sure the goods are there....Priceless

I blame too much brandy in my eggnog! Or maybe too much jingle in my bells.

Deck them halls and fa that la, babies, Santa's coming to town!

*happy dance*
porter_inc: (cappucino)
[locked to Orlando]

Kevin's clean.

I contacted the detective who'd interviewed me after the shooting and told him my concerns about the attack. He said that he would contact the doctors who tested Kevin when he was taken to prison and try to let me know if I have anything to be worried about. We can't let anyone know that they told him, but he said he wanted to ease my mind. I guess that means that we just have to get tested to be sure and then... Well, you know. :-)


I called the woman claiming to be my sister. What convinced me to do it was an old letter Mom found among Dad's papers where some woman told him about her children missing their daddy. Mom told me that he'd received the letter about two years after she and Dad had gotten married but had told her that the woman was the widow of an old friend. She never questioned it until I showed her the letter I received and the woman said who her mother was. It was the same lady who'd sent my dad that letter all those years ago. It's not definitive proof, by any means, but it's a hell of a coincidence.

Anyway, I called the woman (Evelyn Harper, 34 of Los Angeles) and told her I'd be willing to take a DNA test. She told me how her mother had passed away in March of this year and it was after her death that she found out who her and her brother's real father was. She was in the process of trying to find him when she started seeing things about me in the papers and one article did a background feature and mentioned my parents. She said we have the same eyes and that's what made her write me. Now, that's weird, because I was always told I have my Uncle John's eyes and he was Mom's brother. I guess Dad had some hidden blue-eyed gene or something. I would laugh so hard if he had a gay brother, too, and that's why he was so afraid for me to turn out queer. Anyway, I should stop rambling.

Everything's still sort of a jumbled mess in my head right now, but here's what I know:

Cynthia Harper met my dad in 1968 when he was stationed at Fort Bliss. They never married and Dad refused to let their children have his name. They had a son together, Tobias Charles Harper, who was born on September 17, 1969. Evelyn Rose Harper was born on May 20, 1972. Charles, as he prefers to be called, lives in Austin, Texas, works for a bank(!) and is married with three children - two boys, ages 6 and 2, and one girl, age 4. Charles wants nothing to do with the search or with me and, apparently, he looks very much like Dad. Evelyn lives in L.A., works as a casting director, is single with no children.

The thing that I can't get over is the fact that Evie was just shy of seven months old and Charles was 3 when Dad married Mom. How could he do that? Even if he didn't know about her, he knew damn well he had a son. And how could he ignore the letter he received, knowing he had, by that time, a two year-old daughter and a five year-old son who needed their father? I suppose I've already decided that she's telling the truth, but the test will let us know for sure. Mom said that no matter what the results are, she still wants to get to know this woman, and if Charles changes his mind, him too. She wasn't angry with me or Cynthia (Evie's mom) or Evelyn or Charles. She's not upset that Dad had another family he didn't tell her about, because she'd always had her suspicions. She's angry with Dad for abandoning his children.

I love my mother so much.

And I just might have an older brother and sister.
porter_inc: (cappucino)
My best friend is 34 today. Instead of the fruit of the month club idea I'd had for a present, I ended up giving him a monogrammed briefcase. He'd mentioning needing a new one a while back. I figure it's personal but not personal. I was going to take him out for dinner, but he's got plans with the guy he's been seeing. He hasn't let me meet him yet but apparently they're getting serious and Pete really likes him. I'm glad. And relieved. Mom said that she's met the guy, but it was an accident. She ran into the two of them at the market. He's got dark hair and blue eyes and Mom seems to think that means Pete's dating someone who looks like me. Bless her, but I'm sure she's overstating it.

I'm just happy that he's moving on instead of making me feel guilty for not loving him that way anymore. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just fell in love with someone who's filled my heart completely.

Less than two weeks until Christmas! I've given out some presents already, but I have to get the others delivered before it's too late. I love this time of year. I may even go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. I wonder if Orli would want to go with me. We could come home and open presents afterwards.

I'm really, really, really happy.

That is all.
porter_inc: (cappucino)
I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I broke down and told Mom about the woman who wrote me claiming to be the product of Tobias's first marriage. I showed her the letter, then she went into her room and hasn't come out since. The door's locked and when I knock on it, she just tells me she needs a moment alone.

I called Ann and Helene to come over, but they were both busy. I was going to call some of her other friends, but I don't know if they know about Dad's first marriage. So, I called Pete. He's on his way.

Update: She let Pete in there to talk to her, but he locked the door behind him. At least I know she'll be okay if he's in there with her, but what kind of damage have I done?
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)

And my baby's with me!

I can't believe it hasn't been all that long since we first hooked up, but on the other hand, I feel so comfortable and loved by him, time doesn't seem to have any meaning. Time really is relative, isn't it? I've always had this feeling that I'm not going to live a very long life no matter how much I would like to. I don't know why that is, but I just want to do everything now before it's too late. Or maybe that fear is just some adolescent holdover and I've mistaken it for a genuine concern. The truth could be that I didn't really start living my life until last year. I've got so much to make up for, and I don't want to make any of the mistakes I did before. I stayed married to Talia for 12 years when I should have been living my own life. My real life. After seven years we should have divorced, but I held on out of habit more than anything. I didn't want to be alone, so I let myself stay in what had basically deteriorated to a loveless marriage. On my end, anyway. I think Talia still loved me in her way. I never let on, I performed all my husbandly duties, and I couldn't admit to myself just how miserable I was. Then Peter came back into my life and the rest is history.

New Year's day is going to be four months. One third of one year. By my birthday, it'll be six months. Or...

I don't want to wait. I know I should, but I don't want to. Of course, it's all going to depend on Orli.

Life's so short. I'm never going to have enough time with him. I just want him to know how serious I am about this.
porter_inc: (cappucino)
This is mainly going to be me listing out random things and commenting on them. Feel free to skip over it all because, like most of my ramblings, it's not really all that interesting. I just have to get it all out of my head so I can get some sleep.

1. Okay, I want to make this clear: Orlando and I are not living together. I'm living at home in Hartford. Orli's living in his home in New York. We basically commute to see one another, and I think the longest I've ever stayed over is a long weekend. I spend a lot of my time trying to keep myself busy during the week because I miss him a lot, but there is no cohabitation going on. He's still technically married. No, I don't see it as hypocritical that we're in love and having sex. Making the decision to live together is a completely different thing.

2. Orli told me the divorce will probably be final before Christmas. I'm sorry for the way things had to happen. I know how hard divorce is on both parties. The thing that breaks my heart the most is knowing he's lost his friend. Still, I believe in miracles. Talia no longer wants to stab my eyes out when she sees me, and what I did to her was a hell of a lot worse than what happened with Orli. Maybe after Cordy spends a ton more money, she'll come around. Is that bitchy of me to say? Ah, I'll let it stand. I'm tired.

3. Mom's birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to surprise her by making breakfast for her, then I'll be taking her out for a day in the city. The highlight of the day will be taking her to see The Nutcracker. She seems to think that the car was going to take care of her birthday, Christmas and Mother's Day presents for the rest of her life. Um, no.

4. Ann and Helene have worked out their problems and are finally ready to get pregnant. They asked me, again, to consider being the donor. I just don't know... Things are so much more complicated now than they were the first time they asked me.

5. I got a letter from a woman today who claims to be my sister. I didn't show it to Mom because she doesn't really like to talk too much about Dad's other family. Well, she doesn't really know that much about it. Or so she says. Anyway, I'm taking it with a grain of salt. I've also gotten marriage proposals (from men and women), naked pictures, recipes(!), nice letters, and a few religious tracts.

6. Peter's seeing someone. It's really, really, really weird. I'm happy for him, but I can't believe he's actually seeing someone who's not me. That's a lot more egotistical than I mean for it to sound. After Kory died, I was the only one Peter wanted to be with and he swore that he couldn't ever be happy with anyone else. I told him that wasn't true but he was so sure that he could never meet anyone he'd want. And now he has. I think it's great! But weird. I just hope it helps him ease up on me.

7. I got a postcard from Talia! She and lawyer man are honeymooning in Jamaica. It looks gorgeous and she sounds really happy. I'm glad she got the chance to have a real honeymoon with a real husband. I know he'll treat her well.

8. Jesus, I'm freezing. I really don't want to put on the flannel pajamas but I might have to. If my sweetie was here we could do that naked body heat thing.

9. Someone please explain why Paris Hilton is famous. And why Britney Spears thinks it's a good idea to be her new BFF.

10. Cocoa makes me happy.
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
Okay, I'm rested and NOT hungover (surprisingly), though I can't speak for Orlando because he's still asleep. We decided to book a room in the hotel where Talia had the reception and took full advantage of the jacuzzi tub, so it was a late night.

The wedding ceremony was perfect. Talia looked radiant in her ivory slip dress, lawyer man looked handsome in his dark grey suit and the bridesmaids weren't trapped in hideous concoctions dreamt up to make the bride look better. Everything was tasteful and gorgeous, love and romance filled the air and it all made me want to get married again. (No, I don't know when I turned into a woman, so don't ask.)

The reception felt a lot more comfortable than I thought it would. We were assigned to tables for a sit down dinner, and Talia had actually put Orlando and me together with some of my old friends (and her defenders during the divorce). It was so awkward to see them, at first, and I really expected the worst. But they were extremely gracious, were wonderful to Orlando (not that they had much choice since he was absolutely gorgeous and charming, as always), and apologized to me for the way things had happened last year. They explained that they were shocked and hurt for Talia, but seeing her now made them realize that what had happened was the best for everyone.

When Talia and lawyer man were making the rounds and arrived at our table, things couldn't have been more amiable. It was the first chance I'd had to introduce Orlando to them both, and it felt strange but very liberating to finally get to do that. Later, Talia pulled me aside to tell me that she couldn't remember seeing me this happy and that she really liked Orli. After that, Orli and I spent the rest of the evening dancing (with each other and some of the other guests - there was a few young girls there, maybe 14 or 15, who kept mooning over Orli. He treated them each to a dance and they were so happy. It was adorable. I love him so much) and enjoying the party.

All in all, it was a beautiful evening, and the best part was getting to share it with my sweetheart.


Nov. 17th, 2006 06:05 am
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
I probably shouldn't be giggling at infomercials for penis pumps. I mean, erectile dysfunction is a serious problem for a lot of men! Um, not that it's ever happened to me, of course. *coughs* Well, there was that one time when Talia was yelling at me because I accidentally broke a jar of honey powder all over the bathroom floor and ruined our evening.

Speaking of the lovely ex... She came over tonight. She's getting cold feet and actually told me she still loves me and asked if I wanted to get back together for one last roll in the hay. To be fair, she was drunk, so I undressed her, put her to bed and told her I'd get back to her in the morning. She's sleeping it off in the guest room as I type this. I won't say anything to her about it once she sobers up. I think it's just a bad case of nerves because I know she hasn't loved me for a very long time. I called lawyer man to tell him that she was okay, but he didn't sound all that concerned and invited me to his bachelor party tomorrow. I passed. Watching him get a lap dance from a stripper just isn't on my list of things to do.

I can't believe that parents are complaining that a new kids' book about two male penguins adopting a baby penguin and raising it together has "gay overtones." They want it placed in the restricted section of school libraries for "mature issues." I remember that news story about the penguins at the New York Zoo who did that and I thought it was adorable. I just thought of something. Remember that show "My Two Dads"? The premise was that the kid's mom had sex with two guys around the same time and either didn't know or didn't want to say who the father was, so both men had to raise the kid after the mom died or ran away or whatever the hell it was. I don't remember people getting upset about some child not knowing who her dad was because her mom was a slut. But if those two dads were a loving gay couple raising a kid they wanted, it never would have made it on the air.

Oh my god, and now they're talking about possible womb transplants in women and maybe a day when wombs can be implanted in MEN. Yup, pregnant men could be in the future. I would never trust a man to carry a baby. You just know that during some joyous moment of celebration during a sporting event, two pregnant guys would do that chest and stomach bumping thing. The thought of medical science ever doing something like that before they find a cure for cancer makes me shudder. Plus, it's just too Dr. Frankenstein for me. Just because it could be done, doesn't mean it should be done.

I almost forgot... Mom helped me look through a couple of boxes today for something I need and she found the tape Kevin and I made. I'm thankful that it was labeled so there wasn't the possibility of her putting it in the machine to see what it was and seeing her son's... Well, you know. But the fact that the label said "Kev and Will's homemade porn" was enough to make me want to crawl under the sofa and never come out. I'd completely forgotten about it. She laughed but I could tell she was a little embarrassed, and she even scolded me for being stupid enough to put that stuff on tape. It's okay, though. I'm pretty sure I have the only copy. I'm not making any more sex tapes. Unless I keep them under lock and key in a safe in a box in Fort Knox so Mom can't find them.
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
Talia's wedding is next Saturday. I've got my suit ready, I've got the lamp for their gift, and I went ahead and bought a silver punch bowl set that was on their gift registry since the lamp is mainly for Talia. I guess the bowl will be mainly for her, too, but the wedding gifts we got were all pretty much for her, anyway. Man, guys really get ripped off on their wedding days, don't they?

I can't believe she's getting married! My glee has shifted from being about the financial break I'll get to being about feeling genuine happiness for her. She's so much sweeter now that she's not wishing for my painful death and destruction. I was talking to her today about seeing some of the friends I lost in the divorce. I understood them siding with Talia, but they were very vocal in their dislike of me after I left her - actively vocal as in calling me at Peter's and barraging me with insults and curses for hurting their friend. (I think that's why I'm so touchy about the way Orli's treated during this whole thing with Cordelia. Being the guilty party shouldn't automatically make you the target of outsiders. What I did to Talia was probably more intimate than anything that had happened before in our marriage. It was the first time she'd ever thought she couldn't trust me. It was our business to scream at each other and no one else had a right to chastise me. I never made any vows to them. Opinions are like assholes, I know, everyone has one. But, for something this personal, they should also be kept under wraps unless you're with someone with whom it's appropriate to share them. *g*) Anyway, I have a feeling I'll be holding onto Orli's hand for dear life if they approach me to talk. The first dirty look they cast my way, though, my tongue's going in Orlando's mouth so I don't say anything to start a fight.

Mom's birthday is on the 29th. She's going to be 56! Oops, she might kill me for revealing her age, so it's a good thing she doesn't have the first clue about my journal. Anyway, I'm torn between taking her out for an expensive dinner with me, Orli and Pete (and whatever pretty boy he decides to bring along. I think he's dating, but he won't tell me one way or the other) or throwing a party so her friends can come. I'm not sure if I could handle being around all those older ladies pinching my cheeks and sending me hurtling back to age five. I'll talk to the lesbians. Maybe they can help me organize an all girls birthday party for Mom and I can still take her out to dinner. I guess we could invite Mom's male friend (she stopped seeing that guy in Seattle). I have not met this guy, but if he kisses my mom in front of me, I'll punch him. I had thought about doing something during Thanksgiving, but I hate doing the combo holiday/birthday thing just because the dates are close. Pete's birthday is coming up on December 12. I get to tease him about being older than me for three months!!!! I love that. I asked him what he wants for his birthday but since I won't "make love on the white sands of a Jamaican beach" with him, I'm going to enroll him in the fruit of the month club. I know it sounds cheesy, but he's a healthy guy, he likes that kind of thing and every month he'll think of me when he gets a bunch of fruit delivered to his door. Plus, I'm really uncomfortable with giving him anything close to what I've given him in the past. Way too intimate.

Oh, and for my awesome news...

I've got a job. A magazine liked my writing sample and they're interested in the idea of Orli and me doing a series of articles for them. I didn't mention Orli by name because I wanted to be hired on my own merits, but they like the whole "gay couple travels the world and reports back" thing. They're just starting out, they're small, and we'll basically be doing this freelance, getting paid by the article. But it's not the money that ever concerned me. It's doing something. And now I get to do it with my partner. How cool is that???


Nov. 6th, 2006 05:54 pm
porter_inc: (cappucino)
Takes place after this.

So I've started this meditation thing, trying to be more patient and a better person. I've been trying to live a peaceful life, being kinder and gentler to my fellow human beings. It helps that lately I've only wanted to be sweaty and naked with my favorite human being, but that aside, I've been working on being a better man.

Can you believe I think it's starting to pay off? Sort of.

Remember that interview that Kevin was supposed to do with that television station in Seattle? I don't know if the letter he sent me was connected to it in any way - and I really don't care. I didn't read the damn thing and I hope I don't hear from him again. Anyway, the interview is being postponed because Kevin's in the infirmary. According to Sandy, the news reported that a fellow prisoner attacked Kevin. There weren't any more details disclosed, and authorities are chalking it up to Kevin's status as a cop.

I know that I said I didn't want anything to happen to him, and this probably doesn't jibe with my whole "good will to all men" thing, but there's a part of me that's glad this happened. He hurt me. He terrorized me and he made me feel like shit. He threatened my friends and he almost killed me and them. If someone got a little cosmic payback, then more power to them.

The fucker raped me, so maybe someone did that to him. I hope they did. I hate feeling vindictive, but... I wish Orli had killed him. I wish I'd told Iris she could kill him. I wish someone in prison would kill him. I can't stop feeling him on top of me, hearing him telling me he loves me while he's forcing himself inside me, and I hate him for still being with me that way every time I close my goddamn eyes. The only time I get any peace is when I'm with Orlando. It's not just when we're making love. Just spending time with him makes me feel safe and at ease. I'm less anxious and less antsy when I can talk to him, I feel less angry when I can see him. I love him. He makes me happy but he saves me, too. Maybe it's unfair to put all that on him, but I have so much faith in him as a human being as well as a partner. I know people can't understand how quickly things have moved, but I can and I can't be bothered to explain or justify it. I just know I want to be with him in literally every way possible. Right now, Kevin is ruining that because I'm getting hung up on something. I really want to ask Orli to top me because I know it's going to be as amazing as everything else we've done. But I can't. I'm terrified that I'm going to start thinking of Kevin. It hasn't become an issue or anything but I need to get over it before it does. I need to get over it. I need to fucking get over it.

Of course, now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't be happy that violence was the solution. Unless it was just karma for what he did to me. I'm confused now.
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
Jon Stewart is so cute! Just a random note because I'm watching the Daily Show and I think he's adorable. And, you know, Stephen Colbert cracks me up and is kind of sexy... Sure, maybe I need to get my news from a source other than Comedy Central, but there aren't any other anchors who're that kind of eye candy.

Ann came over for a visit today without Helene. We had tea and chatted about a few things that are on her mind. Luckily, she left before I grew breasts and my dick dropped off. Actually, she's having some trouble with H and I feel bad for her. I promised not to say anything to anyone (and it doesn't matter that anyone who'd see this doesn't know them) so I won't go into detail here, but after ten years together, maybe A needs to have fewer expectations. Not that I'm taking H's side or anything, but really, doesn't there come a point in a relationship when you have to accept the bad about someone as well as the good not only because you love them but because you'd like them to do the same for you? Sometimes it seems as if people think they're perfect and rush to pick out faults in others without looking at the faults within themselves. Hmm, I wonder if I should list out my faults and give them to Orli, just to give him a heads up.

Mom bought Blade and Wendell some sweaters (for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and a generic winter one). They are so cute, but I'm really worried that she's going to have a hard time when I move out and take them with me. And I don't think I can take Jake and Lani from Pete. I went to visit them this morning and they were so happy to see me. But I can tell that they're very attached to Peter, and vice versa. I'm so sad. But so grateful to him for taking care of them. But they're my babies. Or they were... I guess I don't need four dogs, right? And I couldn't move with all four of my babies. Okay, there's time to think about this.

I got a letter from Kevin. I threw it out.
porter_inc: (cappucino)
Talia is the one who told the rags who I am. I just wanted to get that out of the way. She's being nice to me because she feels guilty. And I'm going to take full advantage of that. She gave them my mother's address, for god's sake. I'm not going to feel bad at all for letting her kiss my ass for a while.


Lunch was civil. She was looking really good, she said I was, too. There were a few moments that made me feel like we were back at school, but they were pretty fleeting. It was strange making small talk with her as if everything was normal between us. She asked about Mom and Peter and said she was looking forward to meeting Orli at the wedding. Then she dropped the bomb about the rags. After I calmed down (thank you, Glenlivet), I told her that if the roles had been reversed, I might have done the same thing. She didn't seem to think I would have. Then there was one of those awkward, "Did we just make up?" moments when neither of us knew what else to say or do.

Oh, she won't sell me the house. No, not won't. She can't. It's already been sold. She wasn't required to tell me since she got the house in the divorce and can do anything she wants with it. I just wish I'd gotten the chance to put in a bid. It's probably just as well, now that I think about it. There'd be too many memories of our life together, and the awful way things ended between us. The Master bedroom's where Talia caught me and Peter together and I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth when I saw the look on her face. Okay, so maybe it was a bad idea to want the house. I'll look for something else. Maybe a condo nearby. Pete offered to let me move in with him, but that would be way too weird knowing how he feels, and I really just want something private and quiet. I want Orli to feel like he can leave some of his things here when he comes up and not have to worry about other people being around.

As for Talia, there's a tentative peace between us. I'll take it.

I've decided what I'm going to buy them for a wedding present. When Talia and I were married, she always wanted a Tiffany lamp. I asked her if lawyer man ever got her one and she said he found them gaudy but she still loves them. It spoiled the surprise, but I told her I'd get her one. That earned me a kiss on the cheek.

It's been a strange day.

Okay, I need to post this and go. I'm heading to New York in my beautiful new car to see my beautiful boo.
porter_inc: (cappucino heart)
Mom was on a mission today. I saw her walking through the house with a big black garbage bag and when I asked her what she was doing, she said that she was ridding the house of evil. In case you were wondering, the evil was magazines, tabloids and newspapers. She refuses to let Peter bring over any more, and if they show up, she refuses to let me see them. She's been worried that I keep taking so many things to heart and wants me to be blissfully ignorant. I guess from this moment on I can act as if there's no such thing as nasty gossip and innuendo. I really can't argue with her point that it stresses me out. Plus, I know that assholes will always exist and whatever I feel about them doesn't really matter. All that matters to me is being with Orli, helping him through all of this and seeing what each new day has in store for us. That's all that should have ever mattered and I hate that I wasted so much energy worrying about anything else. It would have helped if I didn't have to defend us to my mom and my best friend. That's the thing that's been getting to me the most, to be honest. What I read only echoed what I know they were thinking. That's a big reason for why I want to move out and get my own place.

Speaking of which, I asked Mom what she'll do when I move out and don't have her to censor my reading material for me. She started asking me why I wanted to move out, etc. I basically told her that I need a place of my own now and I wouldn't be too far away. I couldn't come right out and say that I'd want total privacy when Orlando visits, but I'm pretty sure she got it. I haven't mentioned this to anyone, but I'm thinking of asking Talia if I can buy our old house from her. She and lawyer man are going to get their own house, and since I love the neighborhood and I could get my other boys back, it would work out. I still have to meet with Talia and see what she says, but I'm hopeful.

I forgot to say how my soufflé turned out! According to the lesbians (btw, they do have names: Ann and Helene), it was very good for a first time and if I practice, I'll be great. Oh! I'm going to learn to make Yorkshire pudding, too. I want to be able to do it the next time Orli comes over and A&H are going to help me plan a menu. They really are turning out to be the sisters I wish I had growing up. They're both older than I am (35 and 36), so they're starting to see me as a little brother, too. At least that's how they're starting to treat me, which is kind of funny considering they wanted me to father their kid. What's weird is if they get back on the baby train, I would feel more comfortable saying yes. 'Course, it's easy for me to say since I know they're not ready right now.

Sandy (who really needs to come visit) called me with some news. I won't go into details but a Seattle news station is going to interview Kevin in prison. I'm livid. I want to sue and I want to get a gag order or something but I don't know if I can. Then again, I want to stick by my resolution to ignore all the shit and concentrate on the good stuff. And there's so much more good than bad in this whole thing. So much more.

Okay. I'm officially letting it go. What the hell can he say, anyway? He's as bad as the rest of them (worse, actually), and not worth my time or energy.

I think I need to go meditate. Or drink. Or make a call.
porter_inc: (cappucino)
Talia's getting married the same day as Tomkat. November 18th. I don't know why I find that so funny.

I still have to buy her a present.

And, hold onto your hats, but she wants to have lunch with me on Monday. When I called to RSVP for Orlando and myself, she was very friendly and said that we needed to talk. Thus, lunch. Monday.

I was married to this woman for 12 years, but I'm scared shitless to meet her one on one. At least at the wedding I'll have Orli by my side and witnesses if she tries to drown me in the punch bowl. Wait, there wouldn't be a punch bowl. She'd try to drown me in the chocolate fountain. We don't do well when we meet for things. It usually ends in yelling and her telling me how disgusting I am. But, hey, people change.

Anyway, it should be interesting.

Oh god, I almost forgot the biggest thing:

Egg Girl belongs to the people down the street! I used to be friends with the family who lived there before they sold the house to Egg Girl's parents. Mom said they've never been that social and that she didn't even know they had a child. According to Mom's sources, the girl had been sent away to school so I have no clue what she was doing back here. The parents came by and apologized to me for what she did and thanked me for not having her arrested. It was really weird. Nice, but... Odd. And Becky did not participate in the apology. I was kind of hoping I'd get to toss a rotten tomato at her or something. Anyway, that's her name. Rebecca Beckham. I wanted to get the proper spelling for the restraining order when she decides she wants to stalk Orli and squeal in his general direction.

This life, she is very strange, no?


Oct. 26th, 2006 01:31 am
porter_inc: (cappucino)
There was some sweetness, some excitement and some oddness today.

I swear to god, Wendell told my mom he loves her. This little growly howl came out during dinner and it sounded like "Ri rove rou." Weird. It would make sense, though. She's been spoiling both boys absolutely rotten. Blade may very well serenade her tomorrow.

Mom's car arrived. It's a 2007 Toyota Camry because that's what she said she wanted when I was interrogating her (sneakily) to try and figure out what to buy. She loves it. After she scolded me for "wasting" my money, she took me for a spin to visit some of her friends. I had no idea that women in their 50s could get so excited over a new car. I still have lip prints on my face and one of them pinched my bottom. Saucy. I could totally have a Mrs. Robinson thing going on with her. If I weren't completely gay and involved with someone, of course.

I got an invitation to Talia's wedding in the mail. At first I thought it was a mistake, but there was a handwritten note in there from her. I won't share what it said, but my mouth is still hanging open in shock. It's got to be a trick. I've got spies on the case as we speak. Hopefully I'll find out what's going on. There's no way she can go from hating me to forgiving me in the course of a few weeks. I'm even more suspicious because she said she hopes I'll bring Orlando as my guest.

After much thought, I'm going to finally buy a car for myself. Dark blue Lexus convertible. Part of me thinks, "Oy, go for a classic!" (thanks, Ray) but the other, bigger part thinks, "Boy, you've earned this."

Car pictures! )

In other news, the lesbians are coming over tomorrow to teach me how to make a soufflé. They're postponing the baby thing again because of LD (Lesbian Drama(tm)), so in the meantime, I'm actually finding out that they're very sweet and a lot of fun. They popped over today to bring banana bread and tequila (something about a bet with Mom), and we all got to talking. Here's the good part: They told Mom they moved in together after dating for a week. This is the same woman who won't accept my being with Orli until we've been dating for at least three months. This is the same woman who constantly puts the lesbians up as a wonderful example of domestic bliss and commitment. So, what did I do when I saw the look of shock on her face? I laughed and laughed. Then, after a shot of tequila, I laughed and laughed some more.

I'm an evil son.


porter_inc: (Default)

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