Whoa

Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:10 am
porter_inc: (omg dude)
Talia's pregnant according to my mother. Ex wifey called her to share the news so she could let me know. She and lawyer man are breeding. That's... That baby's going to be born with horns and a tail, I know it.

I'd actually wish them well if I hadn't found out Talia spilled the details of our marriage to some rag. All that goodwill I'd worked so very hard to feel towards her went away just like that.

The one thing I did right in our marriage was not get crazy and insist on having a kid with her after she "lost" the first one. I'd be tied to the witch forever.

My Ann and Helene's kid is going to be so much cuter than that spawn of evil.

Shit. I should take that back. I keep forgetting I'm trying to be a better person.

It's not the kid's fault it's going to be born to the icy bitch and the shyster them. I hope it's born healthy and grows up to be intelligent and well-liked, thus, guaranteeing it won't follow in its parents' footsteps. Poor kid.

WTF

Feb. 23rd, 2007 09:56 pm
porter_inc: (thinking)
Mom knows that I'm not a practicing Catholic. She knows that I only do the Big Masses when I'm in the mood and that's about it. So why would she scold me for not going to church on Wednesday (Ash Wednesday - which I actually forgot because the Catholic fucking church is not really on my mind much these days) and not giving up anything for Lent? Believe it or not, there's an answer.

She wants to make sure that God sees fit to make sure the baby's born healthy, and, since I'm the father, it's important for me to "be vigilant" while Ann's pregnant. (Maybe angry hordes are on the hunt for her and the bambino...?) I'm not sure if she knows that Ann's an agnostic.

I don't know when my mother turned into a religious freak and lost her grip on reality. You'd think that there would be warning signs or something. I didn't have the energy to tell her that if my being a good little boy is what would keep the baby safe, the poor kid wouldn't have a chance.

My mother is usually a very rational, grounded woman, so I know that all the excitement about Baby is making her a little loony. I'm thinking of humoring her and telling her that I'll give up scotch starting today. I won't, but I'll tell her I did.

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